It’s like a noxious punch to your nose.  Too much perfume.

This past Sunday I swooned while in church.  It was not the holy spirit, at least I don’t think so.  It was the elderly lady’s perfume in front of me.  For half of a second it was a mildly pleasant aroma, but then it overwhelmed me, burned my nostrils and stung my eyes.  I felt dizzy.  I could not believe it.

I fanned the fumes with the bulletin.  It was plenty cool so my fanning perplexed those nearby, but not downwind.  I fanned in a vain attempt to return the fumes back towards the source.  However, I am unaware that the culprit ever knew why the mad fanning or even noticed anything askew.  I am quite confident that the offender has lost all sense of smell…and quite some time ago.

As I sat there in waves of agony I wondered what to do.  Say something? But what would I say and what would that accomplish?  Move? I could not. I was trapped.  Why do people wear perfume? You cannot smell it on yourself after a minute and if she was wearing it for me, then no thank you! Pray about it? I did. Sadly this prayer was not answered.

Ultimately I stuck it out. I causally fanned my face so that I could have fresh air. I stuck my nose in the bulletin and breathed in the fumes of the ink, which mildly abated the other. I put my nose in the hymnal and enjoyed the scent of “old book” and I put my nose in the “Good Book.”

Perhaps there was a reason for the assault by aroma…

Matthew Thompson is a Mississippi Family Law attorney in Mississippi and prefers his air fresh.

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