Category Archives: divorce

divorce, Opinion

Call an Audible! Effectively Making Adjustments in Strategy.

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Watching the first half of the State game has inspired a blog! MSU is running a 3-4 defensive scheme. This means there are 3 defensive linemen and 4 linebackers. The problem here is that A&M is blocking 3 defenders with 5 and sometimes 6 blockers. The State defensive front is outnumbered.

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This allows the A&M QB, Johnny Football, time to find the open receiver or scramble around and run. Two things he’s good at.
The point is you have to have a game plan coming in, but when it’s not working and you find yourself trailing by 4 scores it’s time for a strategy change.
Divorce is the same way. You have to have a strategy to get to your end game. Be it through litigation or negotiation, but if you find it not working, change strategies!

A recent case I was involved in had the wife doggedly pursuing a cruelty based divorce. But cruelty “proof” was light to say the least. No physical abuse, no real major altercations and no extreme behavior by the husband. The wife’s strategy however was to take it all the way and get her divorce, despite that she could not. The husband’s strategy was to defend and negotiate. The wife refused. The husband stayed the course, much like, I suspect A&M will stay the course the second half.

Well, after a 1/2 day in trial and the wife’s “best” witnesses of cruelty barely making a fizzle with the Court, she decided to negotiate. The end result was an agreement to all issues with both giving more in some areas and taking less in others.

Her forgoing her prior game plan in the face of a defense ready for it resulted in an agreed resolution. Let’s hope MSU makes halftime adjustments with their defense and changes their game plan for the better.
UPDATE… The Bulldogs made adjustments at the half they came out with a 4 and 5 down linemen defensive scheme. They have been able to hold a potent A&M offense to just one additional score so far and have scored themselves and are putting together some good looking drives.

Make adjustments in your game plan as needed.

Thompson Law Firm, PLLC
(601) 850-8000
Matthew@ wmtlawfirm.com

Child Custody, divorce

Happy Halloween! Don’t Overlook this “Holiday.”

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Halloween gets no respect from divorce attorneys.  No,  Halloween is not the reincarnated Rodney Dangerfield.  It’s just that in the divorce world Halloween is not a “real” holiday.  It is not recognized either nationally or by the state.  You do not get to miss school or skip work.  The banks and post office are still open, unlike a “real” holiday.  However, Halloween is nonetheless important!

Happy Halloween!

I oftentimes put provisions for visitation on Halloween in my agreements.  It is usually met with an awkward response by the other attorney saying,”you know that’s not a real holiday, right?”  However, Halloween is a real holiday to your kids.  Dressing up, trick or treating, hay rides, wagon rides, pumpkin carving and eating candy – What is not to love about Halloween?!?

Admittedly, Halloween does have a relatively short shelf life.  From around the age of 3 or 4 to about 13 is as long as it lasts and thereafter becomes a night of mischief.  But for those ten years or so – if you solely rely on the weekend rotation to get “your” Halloween, you may only get two.  Halloween is always a moving target with regards to what day of the week it falls upon.  Halloween needs to be addressed if you have young children.

See other forgotten Holidays hear https://bowtielawyer.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/labor-day-and-visitation/.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

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Child Custody, Child Support, divorce

Separation Preparation…

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First of all, there is no such thing as “Legal Separation” in Mississippi. The closest equivalent is a Temporary Order. This Order can either be the result of a temporary hearing or due to an agreement of the parties reduced to writing and approved by the Court. A temporary hearing and resulting Order, or Agreed Order, are usually done when a fault based divorce is on file with the Court.

A Temporary Order deals with short-term financial and custody/visitation issues, pending a final hearing.  This is intended to be a “band-aid” on the situation and to maintain the status quo while  trial preparations are happening.

A “Legal Separation,” while not recognized in MS law, is typically a different animal than a Temp. Order. Parties can separate in Mississippi, though not “officially”.

The thought behind the a Separation is to allow a cooling off period or a trial-run at no longer living as husband and wife and seeing how that works.

The problem with attempting it in MS is that it requires a great deal of trust between the parties as there is no Order, or teeth, if one party reneges on their agreement with regards to finances or custody.  And typically there is not a great deal of trust between separating parties.  However, a separation is a viable option in the tool belt of bringing calm to highly emotional domestic situations and can even lead to reconciliation in some circumstances.

What needs to be considered for separating, be it agreed or Court ordered?

  • The Children.  What is the custody and visitation schedule?  A Court would use the Albright factors to make a determination.  If by agreement, the parties have a lot of leeway in what the arrangement is.
  • Financial Support.  How much child support? How much spousal support?  The Court requires each party to complete a financial statement and exchange it with the other party.  Support awards are based on adjusted gross income and reasonable needs of the parties.
  • The House.  Who stays in the home?  Typically it’s the spouse that has the children, but regardless of who gets the house on a temporary basis, it does not mean that is how it will be at a final hearing.
  • The Bills.  Who pays what?  The house, utilities, school, cars, credit cards, etc… This is always a bone of contention.
  • Conduct During Separation.  In Mississippi you are married until you are divorced.  Even if you and your spouse have an “agreement” your spouse could still get grounds for divorce against you during a separation.
  • How Long is the Separation?  When do you decide to try something else?  This will be based on your specific facts and circumstances.

Matthew Thompson is a Litigation Attorney in Mississippi and can help you separate on temporary and permanent basis.

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divorce, Opinion

Reasons for Getting Divorced~$ex, $ & boredom.

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There is article after article and study after study listing the Top Reasons for Divorce.  Here are my “unscientific” Top Reasons for Divorce.

courtesy of stockimages/freedigitalphotos.net

1) Sex.  The complaint is either one wants too much, one wants too little, or one is having it with someone they are not supposed to.  Frequently its a combination of all 3.

2) Money.  The complaint here is that one has too little, one wants too much, or one is sharing it with someone they are not supposed to, or spending on something they should not, or spending money they don’t have…

3) Getting Old.  This complaint can refer to;  a) the concept of the relationship getting old, losing its “new car smell,” becoming incompatible,  or it can refer to b) the parties actually getting old and, typically, the fellow trading his current spouse for a newer, younger model.  Crass, but true.  Additionally, getting old can refer to c) the bad habits, the nagging, the actions that you used to be able to tolerate from your spouse, but have gotten on your nerves so much that you can no longer take it.

These are frequent reasons that cause divorce, or at least contribute to the cause of divorce.

What else do you see as a primary reason for divorce? Post in Comments or Email.

Thompson Law Firm, PLLC     http://www.bowtielawyer.ms  (601) 850-8000

Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Child Custody, divorce, Opinion

The BEST thing you can do for your CHILD…

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In Family Law the “best interest of the child” is the paramount concern for the Court.  When parents are feuding over custody, or child related matters, the Court is charged with deciphering what is in the best interest of the child by determining the facts of a particular situation and how those facts relate to a list of certain factors.  This is called an Albright Analysis (previously blogged).

However,  while this may result in the Court determining which parent is in the best interest of the child- it only ultimately results in a comparison of the two and does not indicate what act/actions are in the best interest of the child.  In English, this means the Court picks the better parent, but it does not automatically mean that the favored parent is a great parent.  Rather it just means they were better than the alternative.

So, what is a great parent?  A parent that reads to their young child, provides for their education, health and general welfare.  A parent that has fun with their child and encourages creative thinking and activities.  Well, yes.  All of these are factors in good parenting.

But what is the best thing that YOU can do for your child?  Love them. Sure, but in addition, LOVE the other parent.

What?  That creep?  Yes.  Loving the other parent means you make sure the other parent is in that child’s life in a meaningful way.  Loving the other parent means you are not denigrating them to the child or others.  Loving the other parents means you do not do anything to cause your child to not love the other parent.

I see the opposite too much!  One parent hates the other.  They try to punish the other parent by restricting their access to the child. This is wrong. (There may be circumstances that warrant this, but they are rare and are usually temporary.)

What is the BEST thing you, as a parent, can do for your Child?   LOVE the other parent enough to let them have a relationship with the child.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer 

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@BowTieLawyer.ms

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Child Custody, Crime, divorce, Opinion

It’s “ok” to LIE to your Children.

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It never fails.  One of the aggrieved parties to a divorce tells the dirty details to the child regarding the other parent.  This is never appropriate or “ok.”  Never. Never to a young child. What about when….? No. Never.

But that parent, with their righteous indignation tells me, or testifies, “I do NOT lie to my child?”  My response?  “Well, what about the Tooth Fairy?“

digitalart/ freedigitalphotos.net

We lie to our children a lot.  A LiveScience.com article stated it better, “Parents Lie to Children Surprisingly Often.”  This article concluded that parent’s lie to protect their child and lie to preserve some semblance of innocence and childhood for their children.  These are all good things.

The Tooth Fairy question gets that indignant parent every time.  There is no good reason to spill the beans about the other parent’s misdeeds to the child.  You should be telling them that “mommy” loves them very much.  Not that she cares more about dancing on a pole with bikers than being a decent mom, even if it’s true.  When the kids are older they will realize the truth and appreciate you all the more for allowing them to have a childhood and to love their other parent, even if the other parent did not deserve it.

It’s okay to lie to your children.  Who says so? Me, a divorce attorney.

Disagree? Tell me why in comments or via email.

 

Matthew Thompson is a Child Custody Attorney in Mississippi and believes sometimes lying to your children is in their best interests.

Follow the blog:#BowTieLawyer Visit the website: #Thompson Law Firm  You may also contact Matthew with your family law matter or question at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

 

divorce, Opinion

The Great Debate? Not in Court.

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If you or I answered questions in Court like the presidential candidates do at the recent town hall debate we would be running the risk of being held in Contempt!

Courtesy of freedigitalphotos.com

In Court parties/witnesses must answer the question asked.  It is preferred that the answer be “yes” or “no” and then an explanation offered if necessary.  Obviously if it’s not a “yes or no question,” answer the question asked.  This can be very difficult to do and takes practice to get this right.  One of the things that can aid this is to practice or rehearse the actual questions with your attorney.  By way of example, one of the candidates was asked does the Dept of Energy consider its role to work to reduce gas prices.  The answer given was not “yes” or “no.”  I am actually not sure what the answer was…and I listened to it.

If you find yourself in Court, not answering the question asked may result in the Court to conclude you are being deceptive.  This is not an impression you want to create.

Another thing to be sure of is to answer only the question asked.  Do not answer what is not asked and do not offer more than what is asked.  The best example I can think of is when a party was asked if they had committed an affair with “Mary” since the separation.  The answer was, “I have not committed an affair with ‘Mary’…since the separation.”  There was an awkward pause.  The awkward pause resulted in the follow up question of when did you commit your affair with Mary.  The party told on himself by not just saying “No” which would have been a completely truthful answer to the question asked.

Answer Yes or No.  Explain if necessary.  Sometimes less is more.

Matthew Thompson

Thompson Law Firm, PLLC    (601) 850-8000

Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com

divorce, Opinion

How to Hire an Attorney.

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One of the most daunting tasks in a legal situation  is hiring an attorney.  Its is not something you ever look forward to doing, regardless of the reason for why you need an attorney.  But, there are several things you should do before contacting an attorney and several things you should do afterwards.

Pre-Attorney check:

  • Ask your Family.     It is likely someone in  your family, or a close friend, has been through the need for an attorney and used one.  This will help you determine who to use and just as importantly who NOT to use.
  • Ask your Preacher.    Your preacher, pastor, rabbi, etc… may well know who can help you.  Sometimes they are reluctant to get involved as it may pit one parishioner vs. another, however, in my experience they try to steer either one or both to someone equipped to help that particular person.
  • Ask Trusted Professionals.    Your CPA, Banker, Counselor.  They know who has a good reputation in the community and in some instances may have worked with the attorney.
  • Review the Web.  Do they have a web presence? Review their site for content? Review for practice ares; Jack of all trades or limiting their practice?

Interview the Attorney:

  • The Initial Assessment (or consultation, as some attorneys call it) is as much you gathering information on the attorney as the attorney is getting information on, about and from you.
  • Ask about Experience; trial experience, experience in the area of law you seek, experience with the potential judges and counsel-opposite(s).
  • Explain.  See if they can explain the process in English.  I know some big words, but I also know when to use them.
  • Ask about Fees.  Know what a “Retainer” is. (Unearned money which the attorney earns as they work on your case. Typically you are billed for every phone call, email, text, letter, appointment, interview and court appearance).
  • Trust your gut.  Instinct matters.  If you don’t click, don’t have that trust – move on.  There are a lot of attorneys out there.
  • Be smart about it too.  If the attorney can explain it, has the experience and is in your budget, don’t delay taking action, sometimes you have to make the best decision, on the best information available at the time.  (Maybe your gut is wrong….)
  • Be Honest with them.  Every dirty detail.

After the Hire:

  • Be clear on Expectations.
  • Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. (Phone, text, email, as needed)
  • Follow their advice.  That is why you hired them.
  • Give feedback.

This is not a perfect list, but it is some food for thought when hiring an attorney.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney that gets hired more often than not.  If you think you need an attorney you probably do.  

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer    Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000