Category Archives: Divorce

Divorce

If the CIA Can’t get Away With an Affair What Makes you Think you Can?!

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Unless you live in a cave, or in the path of Hurricane Sandy, you have heard about the CIA director’s recent revelation that he was having an affair.  It resulted in his immediate resignation which was accepted by the White House.  While the full details will likely never be known, the fact remains that the head of the CIA, arguably a person who could keep a secret, had a big secret of his own exposed. (I realize conspiracy theories abound as to why, but that’s not the point.)

I am often asked what are some signs of an Affair. Below are some common red flags to look for;
  • Guarded of the Cell Phone.  The phone is password protected and/or never off of their person.
  • A Second Cell Phone.  They have a 2nd phone without a need or the other phone is secret.
  • Change in Attire.  The spouse is dressing in trendier clothes or “younger” or more “revealing” clothes.
  • New Undies.  Provocative undergarments appear that you don’t see in use.
  • Working out.  A sudden change in their workout regimen, without a scare from the Dr. and it’s not New Year’s Day.
  • Body Grooming.  Manscaping, or new cologne, perfumes, etc.
  • Tanning.  A sudden desire to tan.
  • Teeth Whitening.  All of a sudden caring about hygiene when they previously did not so much.
  • Body Augmentation.  Having lifts or lipos.
  • New Career.  A career shift that is out of the ordinary.
  • Longer Work Hours.  Having to work late, a lot more often, and out-of-town travel when they previously did not.
  • Unexplained Absences.  Going to the store for some milk and being gone 6 hours.
  • Bad On-Line Habits.  Surfing at all hours of the night, deleting the browser history.
  • FaceBooking Old Flames.
  • Financial Shenanigans.  Raiding joint accounts or creating new accounts and directing their monies to those.

If you see a number of these warning signs, keep your eyes and ears open, your wits about you and go see an attorney.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney in Mississippi and believes if the CIA can’t cover up an affair, you probably can’t either.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com.

Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce, Modifications

Deposition Imposition; What is a Deposition?

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Depositions are routinely taken in lawsuits, and are common in family law cases.  A deposition is a part of the “discovery” process where the parties or a witness are asked questions, under oath, outside of Court, so that the attorney will know what they will say when in Court.  You have heard the old maxim that an attorney should never ask a question that he doesn’t know the answer to, well the deposition is the mechanism where you can ask that question.  A wide variety of questions may be asked in the depositions even those that likely would not be relevant in Court.

Depositions are usually at the attorney’s office. The attorneys, the parties and a Court reporter are typically the only persons in attendance.  Depositions are transcribed and may be videotaped.

Questions about the witnesses education, work, finances and efforts with regards to the children are all fair game.  The dirty details of fault are also fair game. Naming names and being specific are part of the process too.  Depositions are a tool to gain information as well as pin witnesses or parties down on what their “story” is so that it does not “change” later.

I had an instance where I took the father’s deposition in a custody modification case. Both parties had remarried.  Step-parents always have a bull’s eye on their backs in custody modification cases. I made sure and asked the father several times and different ways if he had any issues with step-dad.  The answer was “No.”  Well, it took several months to get to trial. At trial the father tried to change his tune.  He attempted to say he had serious issues with step-dad and had for as long as he had been in the picture. I asked the father if recalled his deposition. He stuttered. I showed him the specific page and questions asked. He said he must have forgotten about the serious issues at the time of the deposition. Right.  He backed off on his assertions and the deposition “saved” the day.

Objections are rare in family law depositions, or at least less common than in trial.  They are typically limited to the “form of the question,” being made to preserve the right to object in the future, but the deponent usually still answers the question.  Questions regarding crimes, however, can be objected to and those are usually not answered – with the deponent pleading the 5th.  The 5th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution gives all persons the right to not incriminate themselves.  How does this come into play in family law? Adultery is a crime in Mississippi (blogged previously).

The bottom line in depositions is, while they are nerve wracking for the deponent, ultimately you are just answering questions and your job is to tell the truth and rely on your attorney.

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Child Support, Divorce

Financially Ever-After; Assets and Lies

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Financial issues abound in almost every divorce action.  The parties fight over the money, the debt, the house, the business and anything else of value.  The financial consequences of divorce can not be overstated.  It typically results in a change in lifestyle for both parties, and despite the law that contemplates “maintaining the lifestyle of which you have grown accustomed,” divorce frequently results in both parties living a reduced lifestyle. It takes more money to run two households than it does one.

Mississippi Courts use a form for financial disclosures. This form is called an “Eight-oh-Five,” as it is Rule 8.05 (clickable) which requires the completion and use of a financial statement in family law cases.  The 8.05 must list all income, assets, expenses and liabilities.  Whether they be “joint” or solely owned by one party, they have to be disclosed.  The 8.05 also must include a recent pay stub, work history and the most recent tax return.  These are to be completed under oath and are subject to perjury safeguards.

Persons who have submitted materially false 8.05s have been held accountable by the Court, even well after the fact.  In a recent, notable case the husband, who also had a girlfriend, won the lottery about 2 months before the divorce. He did not disclose the winnings and it was an out of state lottery so the wife did not hear about it.  The parties were divorced.  About 4 years later, the now ex-husband’s girlfriend called the ex-wife to let her know that the husband had won the lottery just prior to the divorce. Why?  Well, the girlfriend found out that the fellow was now cheating on her.  The ex-wife filed a petition to re-open the matter due to fraud.  The husband’s failure to disclose was found to be “fraud on the Court” and the case was re-opened. The wife was awarded a portion of the winnings and attorney fees.

Moral of the story; disclose your assets and be honest. The Court requires full disclosure.

Thompson Law Firm, PLLC      (601) 850-8000

Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

 

Divorce, Opinion

Call an Audible! Effectively Making Adjustments in Strategy.

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Watching the first half of the State game has inspired a blog! MSU is running a 3-4 defensive scheme. This means there are 3 defensive linemen and 4 linebackers. The problem here is that A&M is blocking 3 defenders with 5 and sometimes 6 blockers. The State defensive front is outnumbered.

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This allows the A&M QB, Johnny Football, time to find the open receiver or scramble around and run. Two things he’s good at.
The point is you have to have a game plan coming in, but when it’s not working and you find yourself trailing by 4 scores it’s time for a strategy change.
Divorce is the same way. You have to have a strategy to get to your end game. Be it through litigation or negotiation, but if you find it not working, change strategies!

A recent case I was involved in had the wife doggedly pursuing a cruelty based divorce. But cruelty “proof” was light to say the least. No physical abuse, no real major altercations and no extreme behavior by the husband. The wife’s strategy however was to take it all the way and get her divorce, despite that she could not. The husband’s strategy was to defend and negotiate. The wife refused. The husband stayed the course, much like, I suspect A&M will stay the course the second half.

Well, after a 1/2 day in trial and the wife’s “best” witnesses of cruelty barely making a fizzle with the Court, she decided to negotiate. The end result was an agreement to all issues with both giving more in some areas and taking less in others.

Her forgoing her prior game plan in the face of a defense ready for it resulted in an agreed resolution. Let’s hope MSU makes halftime adjustments with their defense and changes their game plan for the better.
UPDATE… The Bulldogs made adjustments at the half they came out with a 4 and 5 down linemen defensive scheme. They have been able to hold a potent A&M offense to just one additional score so far and have scored themselves and are putting together some good looking drives.

Make adjustments in your game plan as needed.

Thompson Law Firm, PLLC
(601) 850-8000
Matthew@ wmtlawfirm.com

Child Custody, Divorce

Happy Halloween! Don’t Overlook this “Holiday.”

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Halloween gets no respect from divorce attorneys.  No,  Halloween is not the reincarnated Rodney Dangerfield.  It’s just that in the divorce world Halloween is not a “real” holiday.  It is not recognized either nationally or by the state.  You do not get to miss school or skip work.  The banks and post office are still open, unlike a “real” holiday.  However, Halloween is nonetheless important!

Happy Halloween!

I oftentimes put provisions for visitation on Halloween in my agreements.  It is usually met with an awkward response by the other attorney saying,”you know that’s not a real holiday, right?”  However, Halloween is a real holiday to your kids.  Dressing up, trick or treating, hay rides, wagon rides, pumpkin carving and eating candy – What is not to love about Halloween?!?

Admittedly, Halloween does have a relatively short shelf life.  From around the age of 3 or 4 to about 13 is as long as it lasts and thereafter becomes a night of mischief.  But for those ten years or so – if you solely rely on the weekend rotation to get “your” Halloween, you may only get two.  Halloween is always a moving target with regards to what day of the week it falls upon.  Halloween needs to be addressed if you have young children.

See other forgotten Holidays hear https://bowtielawyer.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/labor-day-and-visitation/.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

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Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce

Separation Preparation…

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First of all, there is no such thing as “Legal Separation” in Mississippi. The closest equivalent is a Temporary Order. This Order can either be the result of a temporary hearing or due to an agreement of the parties reduced to writing and approved by the Court. A temporary hearing and resulting Order, or Agreed Order, are usually done when a fault based divorce is on file with the Court.

A Temporary Order deals with short-term financial and custody/visitation issues, pending a final hearing.  This is intended to be a “band-aid” on the situation and to maintain the status quo while  trial preparations are happening.

A “Legal Separation,” while not recognized in MS law, is typically a different animal than a Temp. Order. Parties can separate in Mississippi, though not “officially”.

The thought behind the a Separation is to allow a cooling off period or a trial-run at no longer living as husband and wife and seeing how that works.

The problem with attempting it in MS is that it requires a great deal of trust between the parties as there is no Order, or teeth, if one party reneges on their agreement with regards to finances or custody.  And typically there is not a great deal of trust between separating parties.  However, a separation is a viable option in the tool belt of bringing calm to highly emotional domestic situations and can even lead to reconciliation in some circumstances.

What needs to be considered for separating, be it agreed or Court ordered?

  • The Children.  What is the custody and visitation schedule?  A Court would use the Albright factors to make a determination.  If by agreement, the parties have a lot of leeway in what the arrangement is.
  • Financial Support.  How much child support? How much spousal support?  The Court requires each party to complete a financial statement and exchange it with the other party.  Support awards are based on adjusted gross income and reasonable needs of the parties.
  • The House.  Who stays in the home?  Typically it’s the spouse that has the children, but regardless of who gets the house on a temporary basis, it does not mean that is how it will be at a final hearing.
  • The Bills.  Who pays what?  The house, utilities, school, cars, credit cards, etc… This is always a bone of contention.
  • Conduct During Separation.  In Mississippi you are married until you are divorced.  Even if you and your spouse have an “agreement” your spouse could still get grounds for divorce against you during a separation.
  • How Long is the Separation?  When do you decide to try something else?  This will be based on your specific facts and circumstances.

Matthew Thompson is a Litigation Attorney in Mississippi and can help you separate on temporary and permanent basis.

Follow the blog:#BowTieLawyer 

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Divorce, Opinion

Reasons for Getting Divorced~$ex, $ & boredom.

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There is article after article and study after study listing the Top Reasons for Divorce.  Here are my “unscientific” Top Reasons for Divorce.

courtesy of stockimages/freedigitalphotos.net

1) Sex.  The complaint is either one wants too much, one wants too little, or one is having it with someone they are not supposed to.  Frequently its a combination of all 3.

2) Money.  The complaint here is that one has too little, one wants too much, or one is sharing it with someone they are not supposed to, or spending on something they should not, or spending money they don’t have…

3) Getting Old.  This complaint can refer to;  a) the concept of the relationship getting old, losing its “new car smell,” becoming incompatible,  or it can refer to b) the parties actually getting old and, typically, the fellow trading his current spouse for a newer, younger model.  Crass, but true.  Additionally, getting old can refer to c) the bad habits, the nagging, the actions that you used to be able to tolerate from your spouse, but have gotten on your nerves so much that you can no longer take it.

These are frequent reasons that cause divorce, or at least contribute to the cause of divorce.

What else do you see as a primary reason for divorce? Post in Comments or Email.

Thompson Law Firm, PLLC     http://www.bowtielawyer.ms  (601) 850-8000

Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Child Custody, Divorce, Opinion

The BEST thing you can do for your CHILD…

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In Family Law the “best interest of the child” is the paramount concern for the Court.  When parents are feuding over custody, or child related matters, the Court is charged with deciphering what is in the best interest of the child by determining the facts of a particular situation and how those facts relate to a list of certain factors.  This is called an Albright Analysis (previously blogged).

However,  while this may result in the Court determining which parent is in the best interest of the child- it only ultimately results in a comparison of the two and does not indicate what act/actions are in the best interest of the child.  In English, this means the Court picks the better parent, but it does not automatically mean that the favored parent is a great parent.  Rather it just means they were better than the alternative.

So, what is a great parent?  A parent that reads to their young child, provides for their education, health and general welfare.  A parent that has fun with their child and encourages creative thinking and activities.  Well, yes.  All of these are factors in good parenting.

But what is the best thing that YOU can do for your child?  Love them. Sure, but in addition, LOVE the other parent.

What?  That creep?  Yes.  Loving the other parent means you make sure the other parent is in that child’s life in a meaningful way.  Loving the other parent means you are not denigrating them to the child or others.  Loving the other parents means you do not do anything to cause your child to not love the other parent.

I see the opposite too much!  One parent hates the other.  They try to punish the other parent by restricting their access to the child. This is wrong. (There may be circumstances that warrant this, but they are rare and are usually temporary.)

What is the BEST thing you, as a parent, can do for your Child?   LOVE the other parent enough to let them have a relationship with the child.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer 

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@BowTieLawyer.ms

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