However, what’s good for the Soul may not be so good for your marriage. Sometimes knowing the details, deeds and dirt makes it impossible to “forgive.” Knowing the location of the “scene of the crime” results in PTSD every time you pass by. Knowing the name of the paramour gives you the HeeBeeGeeBees when you have a waiter/waitress with the same name. Also, even when you know all the dirt, you still wonder if you really do.
If the goal is to attempt to reconcile and work through life’s difficulties, you may well be better served by the mantra- Less is More.
One of the unique things about my profession is that I routinely get paid to discuss the embarrassing, wild and sometimes just ignorant things people do.
The DIRT is/are the things that the other side says you did, even if you did not do them; substance abuse, crimes, non-payment, hateful things…
What cannot be stressed enough is that you have to be honest and forthright with your attorney. If you hold something back and do not disclose the full story it can come back to bite you. Being bitten could mean not getting custody, having to pay attorney’s fees, going to jail or any combination of these.
What are Examples of Dirt you ask?
1) Instances of substance abuse,
3) Public Drunks,
4) Child Endangerment charges for DUI with the children present,
5) Arrests for assault,
7)Crimes of moral turpitude or
9) Substance abuse, even if not caught,
10) Knowing you would test “hot” or “positive” for an illegal drug or
11) Prescription drug for which you do not have a prescription.
12) And not telling your attorney any of the above is dangerous, even if they don’t ask. Sometimes we don’t know or think to ask if you
13) Are on probation from any crime.
14) Is there a no contact Order against you,
15) Domestic violence charges pending,
16) Active warrants for your arrest,
17) Suspended license.
18) Are you under investigation?
19) Meth lab in the garage,
20) Not to mention having a paramour, an affair,
21) Multiple affairs,
22) Paying for your mistresses’ vacation,
23) Buying the mistresses’ child a car, or
24) Expending large sums of money on frivolous things.
These are just 24 examples of DIRT that I saw…last week. These dirty deeds may be done dirt cheap, but it’s going to cost you to clean it up!
Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney in Mississippi and can only attempt to clean up the DIRT that the client admits.