Tag Archives: affair

Less is More…Knowing the Dirt May Do More Harm Than Good.

02/04/2015 BowTieLawyer 1 Comment

Confession is good for the Soul.

However, what’s good for the Soul may not be so good for your marriage. Sometimes knowing the details, deeds and dirt makes it impossible to “forgive.” Knowing the location of the “scene of the crime” results in PTSD every time you pass by. Knowing the name of the paramour gives you the HeeBeeGeeBees when you have a waiter/waitress with the same name. Also, even when you know all the dirt, you still wonder if you really do.

If the goal is to attempt to reconcile and work through life’s difficulties, you may well be better served by the mantra- Less is More.

Read about “The Dirt” here, “The Book of Sins” here and more on “Reconciliation” here.

Matthew Thompson is a Family Law Attorney in Mississippi and believes that sometimes ignorance is bliss. Consult your attorney, counselor or mental health professional for more info!

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

Divorce, Marriage, Opinion

When to Have an Affair.

12/02/2014 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

Affairs can be exciting, secretive and scandalous…

This excitement is short-lived. The secret too, is soon out. Finally the scandal hurts more than just the perpetrators, but also their families. Affairs, actually, are usually disasters, depressing and not worth the effort. During an affair the participants are focused on themselves. This tunnel vision leads to neglect of those other persons in their life, which actually makes those relationships worse.

There is an ebb and flow that is true in all of our interactions with other human beings. The time you are spending with that other person is less time that you are spending with your family, focusing on your work, and even yourself.

Additionally, the fall out from the affair is “self-inflicted” injury and injures all parties involved.

So, when is the right time to have an affair? Never. There is no right time to have an affair.

Matthew Thompson is a Mississippi Divorce Lawyer and reminds you of what Nancy Reagan has said since the 1980s, “Just Say no.”

Follow the blog:#BowTieLawyer Visit the website: #Thompson Law Firm You may also contact Matthew with your family law matter or question at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Divorce, Food Related

The Day I Ruined Valentine’s Day!

02/14/2014 BowTieLawyer 1 Comment

It’s Valentine’s Day. A day earmarked for outward expressions of love, roses and all things pink and red. It is also just another day.

In the Family Law arena, Valentine’s Day can be a litmus test. It determines the state of your union. It could either be a day where he proves he loves you, he proves he loves someone else, or a day just like any other.

One of my favorite Valentine’s War Stories happened a few years ago. I was meeting a friend/client for lunch on V-day. (Don’t worry, I had dinner plans with the significant other, too). As I entered the restaurant I locked eyes with an already seated guest. I gave the acknowledging head nod, meaning I know I know you, though, I was thinking I’m not sure how. I walked past the table, noticing he was on a romantic lunch date with his squeeze. As I met my party for lunch it dawned on me. I know how I know that person. I represent his wife!

As I put the pieces together, I realized his Valentine’s date was not his wife, my client. It was the other woman! My lunch-mate asked me why I had “that” look on my face and I said I am familiar with the table in the corner. He asked, “You mean the couple running out of here?” As I turned to see, sure enough they high-tailed it out of the restaurant before they could enjoy their Valentine’s meal. I ruined their Valentine’s, or at least I like to think so. (The case settled shortly thereafter).

Valentine’s Day is ultimately just another day. Sure, it’s a great time to let the ones you love know it, but so is the day before and the day after.

Matthew Thompson is a Mississippi based Divorce Lawyer, and though he does not ruin many Valentine’s Days, when he does, he ruins it for your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case or question at (601) 850-8000

Child Custody, Crime, Divorce, Marriage, Opinion

The Adultery Train- All Aboard!

10/23/2013 BowTieLawyer 4 Comments

An affair plays a significant role in a large number of divorces. It is a train wreck to a relationship.

big_bad_locomotive_by_beezqp-d4mfi8t-1024x727 — Beezqp- “Big Bad Locomotive”

A sure-fire way to wreak havoc in a marriage is to have an affair. Mississippi law defines an affair or adultery as sexual intercourse, with a person of the opposite sex, not your spouse. However, due to the secretive nature of affairs you do not have to have an admission of guilt or pictures, though it helps. The ground can be proven through circumstantial evidence.

Upon a satisfactory showing of 1) inclination or infatuation, which can consist of cards, notes, emails, love letters, texts and phone records showing many calls; and 2) opportunity, which is the spouse and that other person alone together, be it in a car, house, motel, hotel, park or back alley, a Court can find that fault grounds exist. Due to this, even the whole “it’s only an emotional affair” and the “we didn’t have sex” may not be enough to stop the Adultery train from running over you.

So, why do people have affairs? They can be exciting, fun and pleasurable, at least for a little while. What leads to this? Sometimes the person is unhappy, dissatisfied, over-stressed, unloved, under-appreciated, or at least believe that they are.

The problem is the affair does not fix the problem. It only serves to make things worse. Because along with an affair comes new baggage. Guilt, secrecy, and the emotions of a third person are now commingled in your personal life. An affair not only hurts your spouse, but also you, your children and the other party. It has emotional consequences, financial consequences, custody consequences and legal consequences.

An affair is a Train wreck in the making.

Matthew Thompson is a semi-part-time Family Law Professor at MC Law and a Divorce Attorney encouraging you to avoid train wrecks!

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Divorce, General Legal, Marriage, Opinion

Red Flags of an Affair

Video 08/13/2013 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

Warning signs to look for…

Warning signs that may show that your significant other may be seeing another!

A Secret Cell Phone. They have a 2nd phone without a need or the other phone is secret.
Change in Attire. The spouse is dressing in trendier clothes or “younger” or more “revealing” clothes.
New Undies. Provocative undergarments appear that you don’t see in use.
Working out. A sudden change in their workout regimen, without a scare from the Dr. and it’s not New Year’s Day.
Body Grooming. Manscaping, or new cologne, perfumes, etc.
Body Augmentation. Having lifts or lipos.
Longer Work Hours. Having to work late, a lot more often, and out-of-town travel when they previously did not.
Unexplained Absences. Going to the store for some milk and being gone 6 hours.
Bad On-Line Habits. Surfing at all hours of the night, deleting the browser history.
FaceBooking Old Flames.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney in Mississippi and admits while these signs can certainly exist with nothing going on, that if 3 or more are happening Watch Out!

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com.

Divorce, General Legal, Marriage, Opinion

Purple Panty Pull-downs

04/17/2013 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

Gotcha! Purple Panty Pull-downs, (a.k.a. Hunch Punch, Whoop Juice) is a college party drink of too much alcohol, kool-aid, sprite, and ice. It can lead to poor judgment, hangovers, injuries, arrests and other sordid outcomes. However it tastes good! When mixed right it is cold, sweet and easily drinkable. It “feels” safe. You cannot fully appreciate the danger.

Similarly, threats to your marriage can seem sweet. Contacting an old friend, meeting a business colleague for drinks or meeting someone new at an event and hitting it off. These interactions are new, exciting, fun and “feel” safe. But be careful.

A non-scientific poll conducted on Facebook by colleague and friend, Craig Robertson, revealed common places and common themes in affairs. Affairs typically do not happen with strangers. They are persons that we know. Persons from work, from our past, friends of the family and church – yes, Church! It happens. It’s the people you see at the grocery and the coffee shop and your kid’s friend’s parents.

So, should you be a recluse, a shut-in and avoid all other human interaction? No. Just be aware of your surroundings. Act intentionally.

When you see the cooler full of Purple Panty Pull-downs, Watch Out!

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney and in the words of Sir Winston Churchill, “The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learnt to like it.” But don’t lose your wits about you.

Child Custody, Divorce, Marriage

Cheetah, Cheetah! (The Cheater Gets Nothing? Not Necessarily.)

02/22/2013 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

Your dirty, no-good, lying, sorry sack of spouse is a CHEATER. Obviously when the Court hears about this that so-and-so will be excoriated and will never show their face again in town. They certainly won’t get anything, right?

In Mississippi, an Affair is a fault ground for divorce. If your spouse is guilty of an affair it will get you a divorce, but don’t count on that fact alone meaning you get everything and they get nothing. It does not mean that he will have to pay you or that the CHEATER cannot get alimony or even custody.

Back in the olden days, some may say the “Good ‘Ol Days”, a lady was barred from receiving alimony if she were guilty of adultery. This is no more, though contributions to the stability and harmony of the marriage are considered and an affair can play a part in what is ultimately received.

Additionally, a spouse having an affair is not barred from being awarded custody. In the olden days a mom that had an affair could be putting her children at risk. Today, a parent’s adultery or morality pursuant to the Albright Custody Factors is considered, but an affair with no adverse impact to the child – will not automatically mean the CHEATER will not get custody.

So, cheat with impunity? No. Just know that cheating ain’t what it used to be, unless it is.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney and Cheetahs do NOT change their spots.

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com.

black bow

Child Custody, Divorce, General Legal

Secret Spy (Hiring a Private Eye)

01/25/2013 BowTieLawyer 1 Comment

One of the perks of being a divorce attorney is you get to be acquainted with a number of other people who have really cool jobs. This post is about Private Investigators (PIs), when to use them and what they need from you.

I have previously posted of some of the potential warning signs of an affair. (click here) If you have suspicions that your spouse may be having an affair it may be wise to hire a PI. A PI can follow your spouse, take pictures, document their whereabouts and identify third persons that your spouse may be with. In addition to adultery situations, PIs may also be useful in locating hard-to-find persons/witnesses and even completing service of process. A PI can also play a role in custody cases in documenting the other parent’s living conditions, if a third-party is sleeping over and the other parent’s comings and goings.

PIs have come a long way from hiding in the bushes snapping pictures, though it still happens. There are hi-tech means of surveillance, GPS tracking abilities and computer forensics which can discover that nothing is truly deleted!

Here’s a starter list to provide a PI in the event you choose to hire one.

Pictures of who they are to follow.
Pictures and tag # of the car(s) they are to follow.
Where that person works and normal office hours.
Where that person hangs out, works out and/or chills out.
The usual routine; ie: on Wednesdays he always goes to Buffalo Wild Wings.
Address of the home and anywhere else the person may be staying.
List of suspected paramour(s).
Any and all information you have about paramour(s).
Your usual routine, too. Knowing this the PI may be able to catch you-know-who where they should not be when you are at the Wednesday evening service.

Talk to the PI about fees. These are not covered in attorney fees. PIs usually charge a retainer and bill by the hour and for mileage. Be careful about having your spouse followed to New Orleans, it may not be worth it if you don’t get the goods. Also, make sure the PI generates a report, pictures and will testify in Court, if necessary.

The use of a PI is discoverable in litigation, which means if you use one and are asked about it you will have to disclose it. Stay tuned for a blog about what to do if you think you are being followed.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney that leaves the private investigation to the PIs, but does review the pictures and videos from the investigations, as it is required by his job!

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com.