Category Archives: Child Custody

Christmas Custody and Visitation.

In divorce situations the holidays, including Christmas, can be more difficult than any other time.  Christmas is a special time when everyone is supposed to get along and we celebrate family.  However, a divorce can certainly change that.

Most often divorced parties alternate the children during the holidays.  Usually the Christmas break is divided between the parents based upon the school calendar.  Additionally, the children usually spend part of Christmas Day with each parent.  The typical Custody/Visitation scheduled may look like this.

“In even-numbered years the Father shall have Thanksgiving from Wednesday prior to Thanksgiving through Thanksgiving weekend, ending Monday morning when he returns the child to school.

In even-numbered years the Mother shall have Christmas from the day school recesses for Christmas Break until Christmas Day at 2:00 p.m., and the Father shall have from 2:00 p.m. December 25 until January 1, at 12:00 noon.  The mother shall have from noon January 1, until school resumes, at which time the regular custody/visitation schedule shall resume.  In odd-numbered years this schedule shall be reversed so that the father shall have from the time school recesses for Christmas Break until Christmas Day at 2:00 p.m., and the Mother shall have from 2:00 p.m. December 25 until January 1, at 12:00 noon, with the Father having from noon January 1, until school resumes.”

This is just an example, though is fairly typical.  Having said that, the Court will likely approve any arrangement the parties can mutually agree upon.  There are good reasons to agree to an alternative plan.  Sometimes family tradition is to celebrate Christmas Eve and it may make more sense and be easier for the children if that parent continued with that tradition.  Sometimes the parties live so far apart that the travel on Christmas Day is unreasonable.  Pay attention to this.  It may make more sense and be easier for everyone involved for the exchange to be the 26th.  One judge, no longer on the bench, always awarded the custodial parent Christmas Eve and day.  His sentiment was the children needed to be “home” for Christmas.  The other parent did receive a good amount of time over the holidays and just adapted with “new” traditions.

As parents your job is to make the holiday as normal as possible.  It is okay to start new traditions, but don’t do so at the expense of your child’s emotional well-being.  Oh, and don’t agree to the alternating Christmas language in your papers based upon the other parent telling you, “don’t worry about it, you can always have Christmas morning ‘irregardless’ of the papers.”  First of all ‘irregardless’ is a non-standard word that will have the grammar police en route and secondly if it’s not in your papers, it’s not going to happen.

Remember this, Christmas can be whenever you and your child have the chance to be together.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc     Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms     (601) 850-8000maroon bow

Know Your Rights! Get a diagnosis.

This blog is inspired by the many, many folks I encounter on a weekly basis who have “no clue” what their rights are.

  • If you’re ill, you go to the doctor to get a check-up.

  • If your car is squeaking, you go to the mechanic.

  • If your roof is leaking, you call the repair man.

But if you think you are in a legal situation, what do you do?  YOU IGNORE IT!

Do NOT ignore it.  Go see an attorney.  They don’t bite.  We’ve already discussed how to determine if you need one (here) and how to find one (here).  This is just aimed at the folks on the fence and those choosing to be blissfully ignorant.  Not knowing your rights, not knowing the law, and not knowing your options is a bad thing.

There are deadlines, timelines, and statutes of limitation.  Memories fail, people forget or misremember, documents get lost, people get lost, and “witnesses” die.  Records get erased, deleted and shredded.  Bruises and wounds heal, scars fade, and most persons recall times past more fondly (or at least not as bad) than they were.

Get off the fence.  Get informed and know your rights.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc    Matthew@BowTieLawyer.ms    (601) 850-8000

Can Children Testify in Court?

Child testimony is an often discussed issue between parents and attorneys dealing with family law cases. When parents are getting a divorce the children usually know more than their parents think and have “discoverable” information. The children most likely witnessed fights, arguments, or other “bad” conduct. Perhaps they knew of one parties misconduct and were asked to help hide it, or at least not disclose it. Also, the children frequently know there is more to the story than mom and dad can no longer get along.

“We reiterate that parents in a divorce proceedingimgres.jpg should if at all possible refrain from calling any of the children of their marriage, of tender years at least, as witnesses, and counsel should advise their clients against doing so except in the most exigent cases.”- Jethrow v. Jethrow

So, do the children testify or not? Typically having the children testify should be avoided if it can be. There are several seminal cases in Mississippi law that deal with child testimony. For Chancery Court, or divorce court, purposes the leading authority is Jethrow vs. Jethrow, 571 So.2d 270 (Miss. 1990). This case lays the groundwork that the Court should use when assessing child testimony. Different Courts and different Judges apply Jethrow in varying ways, but the basic premise is, as follows;

  • A child witnesses of tender years, 12 and under for testimony purposes, testifying is subject to the discretion of the Judge.
  • Before allowing such testimony the Judge “should satisfy himself that the child has the ability to perceive and remember events, to understand and answer questions intelligently, and to comprehend and accept the importance of truthfulness.”

Before excluding the testimony of a child witness of tender years in a divorce proceeding, the chancellor at a minimum should follow the procedure required by Crownover v. Crownover, 33 Ill.App.3rd 327, 337 N.E.2d 56 (1975):

  • The first hurdle is whether the child is competent to testify.
  • The Judge should confer in camera (meaning in the Judge’s chambers/office) with the child and determine whether or not the child’s testimony should be heard
  • The Judge has considerable discretion in conducting proceedings of this type, meaning it’s a judgment call.
  • The court should not, however, reject outright proposed testimony of a child in custody proceedings, where the omission of such crucial testimony might be harmful to the child’s best interests.
  • The trial court should take great pains to have an in camera conference with the child to determine the competency of the child,
  • as well as the competency of any evidence which the child might present.
  • The court should also then determine whether the best interests of the child would be served by permitting her to testify, or
  • Whether the child should be sheltered from testifying and being subjected to a vigorous cross-examination.
  • The Judge should report the essential material matters developed at the in camera conference on the record.
  • The Court should state the reasons for allowing or disallowing the testimony of the child, and
  • The Court should note the factual information which the court developed from the conference with the child which would be considered by the court in its ultimate determinations in the case.

Generally, the testimony of a child called as a witness in a divorce case should not be excluded for reasons other than competency, or evidentiary defects, or for the protection of the child. (24 Am.Jur.2d, Divorce and Separation, A 415). There should not be a summary refusal to inquire as to the competency of the child to testify and also of the competency of the proposed testimony of such child in a change of custody proceeding.

“We reiterate that parents in a divorce proceeding should if at all possible refrain from calling any of the children of their marriage, of tender years at least, as witnesses, and counsel should advise their clients against doing so except in the most exigent cases. The reason and wisdom behind this precaution need no amplification. We also hold, however, as we must that no parent can be precluded from having a child of the marriage in a divorce proceeding testify simply because of that fact.” Jethrow v. Jethrow, 571 So.2d 270, 274 (Miss. 1990).

A child testifying should be avoided if it can be, however if it cannot be avoided the above process will likely be used by the Court to determine if and how the child will testify.

Visit the website: #Thompson Law Firm  You may also contact Matthew with your family law matter or question at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Solomon did not “Split the Baby.”

“Splitting the Baby” is a phrase that has taken root in our lexicon.  It references King Solomon’s decision where two mothers were embroiled in a “custody battle” over a child, each claiming the child to be their own. 1 Kings 3:16 KJV

In family law courts, oftentimes the Judges compare themselves to Solomon when making decisions.  These Judges must make tough decisions based testimony and evidence that are frequently in stark contrast depending upon which party was offering up the facts and proof.

In the Biblical Custody Battle, King Solomon was faced with one infant and two mothers.  Solomon did not know which woman was the child’s real mother, so he arranged a test to see if he could determine the true mother.  In Solomon’s case, the real mother was willing to let the other woman have her child in order to spare his life, while the other woman (whose own baby previously died) agreed with King Solomon that the baby should be cut in two, with each woman receiving half.  The real mother in King Solomon’s court was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice of giving the child up, so that he might live.   The Holy Bible, King James Version, 1 Kings 3:16.

These days, however, it seems that when we talk about “splitting the baby” we are referencing making decisions that leave both parties unhappy.  I have heard a Judge say that if both parties leave unhappy then they must have gotten the result right.  There may be some instances where this holds true, however there was no splitting in the Biblical version of Solomon’s decision.

Splitting the baby may be the solution if it’s not an actual baby.  But the wisdom of Solomon is remembered, celebrated, and often cited because he, in fact, did not split the baby.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc     Matthew Thompson     (601) 850-8000

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Dealing with Disappointment; Divorce, Stress and Uncertainty

Unfortunately, disappointment is a part of life.  It can also be a major part of family law cases.  Most often in a family law case, someone is going through just about the most difficult thing they do as an adult when dealing with a divorce/custody matter.  Either they have done something, or their spouse has, which has caused significant upheaval, loss of trust and despair   A large part of family law includes helping someone cope with those feelings and emotions.

While there is no easy answer on how to cope, there are a number of things that can be done to promote healing.

  • Seek Counseling.  I recommend counseling to almost every client.  This is NOT because I think something is wrong with them.  It is because Counselors are people who have expertise in dealing with persons going through emotional crisis.  A lawyer can deal with a legal crisis, and some are good at the emotional issues too, but all are not.  A counselor can help and they have often heard and dealt with a similar circumstance.  Counseling can be with a licensed counselor, a religious leader or a sage friend with experience.
  • Keep a Routine.  Keeping a routine can help more than you think.  A recent study showed that persons who made their bed each morning were more organized and felt better about themselves throughout the day.  This routine made their day better.  This is something easy to do and it only takes 2 minutes, but can make a difference in how you feel.  I encourage my clients to get in a routine and keep it. I encourage them to continue their exercise regimen or start one.  Let’s Go Walking (a la Haley Barbour!).  I also encourage them to eat the right stuff.  While this may sound dumb or not my business – a family law matter concerns mind, body, and spirit.
  • Listen to Your Attorney.  One of the easiest things to say and hardest to do is to follow the advice of your attorney.  Ideally, you are working with an attorney that has handled many situations, which have been similar to yours.  Just like you, attorneys learn from experience.  Hire one that knows what they are doing and then take their advice.  This one factor alone is worthy of its own blog…

Disappointment is a part of life and, seemingly, a large part of family law.  Effectively dealing with the “bumps” in the road will help you get back on track.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

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From No Fault to Yo’ Fault

The clever title to this blog was proposed by an attorney friend of mine that handles some family law matters, but practices extensively in other areas of law.

We were recently discussing how “No Fault” cases get derailed.  While Mississippi is technically not a true “No Fault” state, there are provisions for an Irreconcilable Differences divorce.  (commonly referred to as “No Fault,” blogged prior.)

We were discussing what gets them off track.  The parties, after getting over the initial shock of divorce, decide they will be adults and agree.  They think they can agree to the divorce and resolve their differences.   After all, they did manage to get along for 9 years, have two kids and bought a house.  What could go wrong?   Perhaps they searched online and looked at divorceyourself.com.  A very risky idea!

Well, the old adage that the devil is in the details is never truer than in divorce.  The No Fault idea gets derailed when the fellow realizes he will have to pay 20% of his income towards child support, plus health insurance and alimony. Yikes!  He realizes it’s cheaper to keep her.  (sorry for the cliché)  The wife gets squirrely when she realizes that her half of the retirement account is consumed by balancing the equity in the house, or that the money she gets cannot be realized without significant tax consequences.

Parties to a divorce don’t realize child support is until 21, not 18 in Mississippi.  They don’t know the types of custody, or what that means.  They agree to things that they cannot legally agree  to and fail to consider the consequences.  They agree to “legal terms” that do not exist in Mississippi law, because they saw it online.  And lastly, one of them is finally convinced to see an attorney by a close friend or family member and when they do and realize the consequences of what they were about to do and back out, the other side becomes angry and backs out too.  All of a sudden an easy deal becomes complicated, expensive and adversarial.

Want to keep your situation from going from No Fault to Yo’ Fault?  Do your homework, have an assessment with an attorney that practices family law, keep the peace, and be smart.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney that can handle your divorce whether it’s your fault, their fault, or somebody else’s.  Trust the Bow Tie.

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Deposition Imposition; What is a Deposition?

Depositions are routinely taken in lawsuits, and are common in family law cases.  A deposition is a part of the “discovery” process where the parties or a witness are asked questions, under oath, outside of Court, so that the attorney will know what they will say when in Court.  You have heard the old maxim that an attorney should never ask a question that he doesn’t know the answer to, well the deposition is the mechanism where you can ask that question.  A wide variety of questions may be asked in the depositions even those that likely would not be relevant in Court.

Depositions are usually at the attorney’s office. The attorneys, the parties and a Court reporter are typically the only persons in attendance.  Depositions are transcribed and may be videotaped.

Questions about the witnesses education, work, finances and efforts with regards to the children are all fair game.  The dirty details of fault are also fair game. Naming names and being specific are part of the process too.  Depositions are a tool to gain information as well as pin witnesses or parties down on what their “story” is so that it does not “change” later.

I had an instance where I took the father’s deposition in a custody modification case. Both parties had remarried.  Step-parents always have a bull’s eye on their backs in custody modification cases. I made sure and asked the father several times and different ways if he had any issues with step-dad.  The answer was “No.”  Well, it took several months to get to trial. At trial the father tried to change his tune.  He attempted to say he had serious issues with step-dad and had for as long as he had been in the picture. I asked the father if recalled his deposition. He stuttered. I showed him the specific page and questions asked. He said he must have forgotten about the serious issues at the time of the deposition. Right.  He backed off on his assertions and the deposition “saved” the day.

Objections are rare in family law depositions, or at least less common than in trial.  They are typically limited to the “form of the question,” being made to preserve the right to object in the future, but the deponent usually still answers the question.  Questions regarding crimes, however, can be objected to and those are usually not answered – with the deponent pleading the 5th.  The 5th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution gives all persons the right to not incriminate themselves.  How does this come into play in family law? Adultery is a crime in Mississippi (blogged previously).

The bottom line in depositions is, while they are nerve wracking for the deponent, ultimately you are just answering questions and your job is to tell the truth and rely on your attorney.

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Happy Halloween! Don’t Overlook this “Holiday.”

Halloween gets no respect from divorce attorneys.  No,  Halloween is not the reincarnated Rodney Dangerfield.  It’s just that in the divorce world Halloween is not a “real” holiday.  It is not recognized either nationally or by the state.  You do not get to miss school or skip work.  The banks and post office are still open, unlike a “real” holiday.  However, Halloween is nonetheless important!

Happy Halloween!

I oftentimes put provisions for visitation on Halloween in my agreements.  It is usually met with an awkward response by the other attorney saying,”you know that’s not a real holiday, right?”  However, Halloween is a real holiday to your kids.  Dressing up, trick or treating, hay rides, wagon rides, pumpkin carving and eating candy – What is not to love about Halloween?!?

Admittedly, Halloween does have a relatively short shelf life.  From around the age of 3 or 4 to about 13 is as long as it lasts and thereafter becomes a night of mischief.  But for those ten years or so – if you solely rely on the weekend rotation to get “your” Halloween, you may only get two.  Halloween is always a moving target with regards to what day of the week it falls upon.  Halloween needs to be addressed if you have young children.

See other forgotten Holidays hear https://bowtielawyer.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/labor-day-and-visitation/.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

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