Category Archives: Divorce

Things Primary Custodians Know; Custody Battles

When mom and dad are getting a divorce, or even if not married, custody is frequently an issue.  In the event that they cannot agree to the Custody arrangement, the Court will decide for them by applying the Albright Custody factors.

Within these factors there are a few which carry more weight than others. (Ultimately the Jude determines the weight of each).  Today’s blog is focusing on the “continuity of care prior to separation.”  This means who has been the primary caregiver.  To determine this the Court conducts a factual review of the parties actions and conduct with regards to being the primary caregiver and knowing the things primary caregivers know.

Primary caregivers know;

  • School teacher(s)
  • Day care provider(s)
  • Pediatrician
  • Dentist
  • Close friends of the child
  • Child’s favorites; food, colors, TV shows, toys
  • Child’s physical health issues
  • Clothes sizes
  • Shoe sizes

Primary caregivers do the following;

  • Get the child ready for their day
  • Cook, clean, wash, bathe the child
  • Take the child to and from school
  • To and from the Dr.’s visits
  • Playdates
  • Birthday parties at the Jump Zone
  • School programs
  • Extracurricular Activities
  • Clothes shopping
  • Shoe shopping
  • Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny

While the division of the above chores is rarely even, and each parent has their role, more often than not one parent is doing more and the Court will consider the facts when determining continuity of care.

*The Court determines the weight of each factor.  Even if a parent was favored in continuity of care, that factor alone does not provide that they will gain custody in every circumstance.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc          (601) 850-8000

Can Children Testify in Court?

Child testimony is an often discussed issue between parents and attorneys dealing with family law cases. When parents are getting a divorce the children usually know more than their parents think and have “discoverable” information. The children most likely witnessed fights, arguments, or other “bad” conduct. Perhaps they knew of one parties misconduct and were asked to help hide it, or at least not disclose it. Also, the children frequently know there is more to the story than mom and dad can no longer get along.

“We reiterate that parents in a divorce proceedingimgres.jpg should if at all possible refrain from calling any of the children of their marriage, of tender years at least, as witnesses, and counsel should advise their clients against doing so except in the most exigent cases.”- Jethrow v. Jethrow

So, do the children testify or not? Typically having the children testify should be avoided if it can be. There are several seminal cases in Mississippi law that deal with child testimony. For Chancery Court, or divorce court, purposes the leading authority is Jethrow vs. Jethrow, 571 So.2d 270 (Miss. 1990). This case lays the groundwork that the Court should use when assessing child testimony. Different Courts and different Judges apply Jethrow in varying ways, but the basic premise is, as follows;

  • A child witnesses of tender years, 12 and under for testimony purposes, testifying is subject to the discretion of the Judge.
  • Before allowing such testimony the Judge “should satisfy himself that the child has the ability to perceive and remember events, to understand and answer questions intelligently, and to comprehend and accept the importance of truthfulness.”

Before excluding the testimony of a child witness of tender years in a divorce proceeding, the chancellor at a minimum should follow the procedure required by Crownover v. Crownover, 33 Ill.App.3rd 327, 337 N.E.2d 56 (1975):

  • The first hurdle is whether the child is competent to testify.
  • The Judge should confer in camera (meaning in the Judge’s chambers/office) with the child and determine whether or not the child’s testimony should be heard
  • The Judge has considerable discretion in conducting proceedings of this type, meaning it’s a judgment call.
  • The court should not, however, reject outright proposed testimony of a child in custody proceedings, where the omission of such crucial testimony might be harmful to the child’s best interests.
  • The trial court should take great pains to have an in camera conference with the child to determine the competency of the child,
  • as well as the competency of any evidence which the child might present.
  • The court should also then determine whether the best interests of the child would be served by permitting her to testify, or
  • Whether the child should be sheltered from testifying and being subjected to a vigorous cross-examination.
  • The Judge should report the essential material matters developed at the in camera conference on the record.
  • The Court should state the reasons for allowing or disallowing the testimony of the child, and
  • The Court should note the factual information which the court developed from the conference with the child which would be considered by the court in its ultimate determinations in the case.

Generally, the testimony of a child called as a witness in a divorce case should not be excluded for reasons other than competency, or evidentiary defects, or for the protection of the child. (24 Am.Jur.2d, Divorce and Separation, A 415). There should not be a summary refusal to inquire as to the competency of the child to testify and also of the competency of the proposed testimony of such child in a change of custody proceeding.

“We reiterate that parents in a divorce proceeding should if at all possible refrain from calling any of the children of their marriage, of tender years at least, as witnesses, and counsel should advise their clients against doing so except in the most exigent cases. The reason and wisdom behind this precaution need no amplification. We also hold, however, as we must that no parent can be precluded from having a child of the marriage in a divorce proceeding testify simply because of that fact.” Jethrow v. Jethrow, 571 So.2d 270, 274 (Miss. 1990).

A child testifying should be avoided if it can be, however if it cannot be avoided the above process will likely be used by the Court to determine if and how the child will testify.

Visit the website: #Thompson Law Firm  You may also contact Matthew with your family law matter or question at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Condoning Bad Behavior; Losing Grounds for Divorce

They cheated! You found out…you TRIED to work it out, but the trust has been broken and you just cannot get over it.  You decide you have no choice but to file a suit for adultery.  You’ll get your fair share and move on. Right? Not so fast…

In Mississippi, to be awarded a Divorce, you have to either have Fault Grounds(click) against your spouse, that can be proven, or you and your spouse have to agree to ALL issues in the divorce, via Irreconcilable Differences(click). (All issues must be agreed; the divorce, itself, who gets what, who pays what, everything has to be agreed).

Additionally, in Mississippi, there are Defenses to a Divorce.  A Defense can be used to prevent the Divorce. One of those Defenses is Condonation.

Condonation is “legal forgiveness.”  This happens when the aggrieved spouse knows of the fault, in this example an affair, and decides to reconcile with the other party, when you TRIED to work it out.

Once the aggrieved party makes that decision to reconcile and the parties resume, or continue cohabitation, and resume marital relations (sex) the aggrieved party has legally forgiven the guilty party.  So what does that mean?  There are no longer grounds for divorce based upon adultery.

There are a few catches.  The guilty spouse must, in good faith, attempt the reconciliation intentionally with the purpose of saving the marriage.  Additionally, the aggrieved spouse can only forgive what they know about.  If there were multiple affairs and all were not disclosed there may still exist fault grounds, whether they are aware of it or not.  Also, the behavior, the adultery, if repeated revives the grounds for divorce.  That is, past acts that were known may have been forgiven, but if repeated the aggrieved would have grounds again.  Future acts would not be forgiven either solely based on a prior reconciliation.

Condonation is one of those more difficult issues to wrestle with in divorce.  The Court must consider the knowledge of the aggrieved spouse, the intent of the guilty spouse, the effort(s) to reconcile – whether they are in good faith.  All these are fact specific and subjective determinations to be made by the Court.

Warning!!  Some lawyers will advise the guilty party to do or say whatever is necessary to get the other party back in bed, for “reconciliation,” so that the defense of Condonation may be used.  If you find yourself in this situation, please seek the advice of an attorney prior to a reconciliation attempt.  Divorce attorneys can also help you save your marriage, or at least advise you on the ramifications if you try.

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Grandparents, Not Just for Babysitting (Grandparent’s Visitation in Mississippi)

For as long as people have had children there have been grandchildren.  Where there are grandchildren there are Grandparents.  Where there are Grandparents there are free babysitters!

Mississippi has a statute, MCA 93-16-3, that specifically provides for Grandparent’s Visitation.  Grandparent’s Visitation is different from babysitting and is different from just being in the child’s life.  Specifically, Grandparent Visitation is for when the mother or father of the child dies, to insure that the Grandparent continues to have access to the child or when the Grandparent and their child have a falling out and the Grandparent has a viable relationship and active in the grandchild’s life, and also in divorce and/or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) situations.

The law provides a viable relationship may be proven by showing that the grandparent has supported the grandchild in whole or in part for at least six months prior to the filing of the petition, or the grandparent had frequent visitation for one year prior to the filing of the petition.

The case of Martin v. Coop, 693 So.2d 912, 913 (Miss. 1997), list the factors the Court considers when determining the amount of Grandparent Visitation.

  • Potential disruption in the child’s life;
  • Suitability of the grandparents’ home;
  • The child’s age;
  • The age, physical and mental health of the grandparents;
  • The emotional ties between grandparents and the child;
  • The grandparents’ moral fitness;
  • Physical distance from the parents’ home;
  • Any undermining of the parents’ discipline;
  • The grandparents’ employment responsibilities;
  • The grandparents’ willingness not to interfere with the parents’ rearing of the child.

Usually grandparent visitation is not the equivalent of parental visitation.  Meaning grandparents will not get every other weekend under ordinary circumstances.

A Grandparent Visitation suit can also result in the Grandparents paying their own attorney fees PLUS those of the mother/father as  provided for in the statute.

Grandparents have rights in Mississippi to see their grandchildren.

**Grandparent Visitation is different from a grandparent seeking custody, which is a different standard and a blog for another day.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney and knows grandparent’s rights.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

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Who Gets the Stuff? Fighting over Furniture…

Who gets what is always an issue in divorce.  Mississippi Courts use a concept known as Equitable Distribution – which means things are to be divided fairly, but not necessarily equally.  Now, more often than not it is close to an equal division.  So what is stuff?  For the purposes of this post, I am referring to personal property.  Furniture, electronics, utensils, personal effects – Stuff!

divorce furntiture
Courtesy of random internet search.

The Court will allow the parties to agree to any division that they can mutually agree upon.  Barring that, the Court may also employ the “Two List Method.”  One party makes 2 list of everything in the home, “equally divided,” and the other party gets to pick which complete list of items they want.  The party that made the lists gets the list of items not picked by the other.  Courts think this is a fair way to do it.

But, what if my family gave me that dinette set?  The Court will take into consideration if the property is marital property or not, but by and large anything acquired during the course of the marriage is marital.  And, anything used, or “commingled,” by the family can lose its separate status and become a marital asset.  Now this does not mean that he is going to get Grandma’s antique China Buffet, but it does mean that a portion of the value could be deemed marital and there could be a set-off through other means.  He could get both couches, instead.

Who gets the stuff?  Usually it’s somewhat of a balancing act.  Each party receives their own respective personal effects and the parties are usually able to agree as to who gets what of the Stuff.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc    Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com    (601) 850-8000

Dealing with Disappointment; Divorce, Stress and Uncertainty

Unfortunately, disappointment is a part of life.  It can also be a major part of family law cases.  Most often in a family law case, someone is going through just about the most difficult thing they do as an adult when dealing with a divorce/custody matter.  Either they have done something, or their spouse has, which has caused significant upheaval, loss of trust and despair   A large part of family law includes helping someone cope with those feelings and emotions.

While there is no easy answer on how to cope, there are a number of things that can be done to promote healing.

  • Seek Counseling.  I recommend counseling to almost every client.  This is NOT because I think something is wrong with them.  It is because Counselors are people who have expertise in dealing with persons going through emotional crisis.  A lawyer can deal with a legal crisis, and some are good at the emotional issues too, but all are not.  A counselor can help and they have often heard and dealt with a similar circumstance.  Counseling can be with a licensed counselor, a religious leader or a sage friend with experience.
  • Keep a Routine.  Keeping a routine can help more than you think.  A recent study showed that persons who made their bed each morning were more organized and felt better about themselves throughout the day.  This routine made their day better.  This is something easy to do and it only takes 2 minutes, but can make a difference in how you feel.  I encourage my clients to get in a routine and keep it. I encourage them to continue their exercise regimen or start one.  Let’s Go Walking (a la Haley Barbour!).  I also encourage them to eat the right stuff.  While this may sound dumb or not my business – a family law matter concerns mind, body, and spirit.
  • Listen to Your Attorney.  One of the easiest things to say and hardest to do is to follow the advice of your attorney.  Ideally, you are working with an attorney that has handled many situations, which have been similar to yours.  Just like you, attorneys learn from experience.  Hire one that knows what they are doing and then take their advice.  This one factor alone is worthy of its own blog…

Disappointment is a part of life and, seemingly, a large part of family law.  Effectively dealing with the “bumps” in the road will help you get back on track.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

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How to tie a Bow Tie. BowTieLawyer (video)

The proper way to tie a Bow Tie.

  1. Tie a basic overhand knot (right over left) and pull the knot to the center of your shirt neck.

  2. Fold the right side of the bow so that the “left bow” is doubled and the “right bow” is a single layer.  The fold on the “left bow” becomes the far edge of the bow tie.

  3. Place the center of the bow on the knot in the center of the shirt neck.

  4. Pull the left side of the bow over the middle of the bow and knot. Hanging straight down.

  5. Snap the bow closed and hold the bow in place.

  6. Lightly pull the closed bow to reveal a small hole behind the bow, but in front of the knot.

  7. Fold the left side, which is now the “back bow” while pushing the “back right bow” through the small hole.

  8. Once through, pull the front left bow and back right bow to straighten and tighten the bow tie.

  9. It does not have to look perfect, and a little imperfection can be “on purpose” because you tied it yourself.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc       (601) 850-8000

From No Fault to Yo’ Fault

The clever title to this blog was proposed by an attorney friend of mine that handles some family law matters, but practices extensively in other areas of law.

We were recently discussing how “No Fault” cases get derailed.  While Mississippi is technically not a true “No Fault” state, there are provisions for an Irreconcilable Differences divorce.  (commonly referred to as “No Fault,” blogged prior.)

We were discussing what gets them off track.  The parties, after getting over the initial shock of divorce, decide they will be adults and agree.  They think they can agree to the divorce and resolve their differences.   After all, they did manage to get along for 9 years, have two kids and bought a house.  What could go wrong?   Perhaps they searched online and looked at divorceyourself.com.  A very risky idea!

Well, the old adage that the devil is in the details is never truer than in divorce.  The No Fault idea gets derailed when the fellow realizes he will have to pay 20% of his income towards child support, plus health insurance and alimony. Yikes!  He realizes it’s cheaper to keep her.  (sorry for the cliché)  The wife gets squirrely when she realizes that her half of the retirement account is consumed by balancing the equity in the house, or that the money she gets cannot be realized without significant tax consequences.

Parties to a divorce don’t realize child support is until 21, not 18 in Mississippi.  They don’t know the types of custody, or what that means.  They agree to things that they cannot legally agree  to and fail to consider the consequences.  They agree to “legal terms” that do not exist in Mississippi law, because they saw it online.  And lastly, one of them is finally convinced to see an attorney by a close friend or family member and when they do and realize the consequences of what they were about to do and back out, the other side becomes angry and backs out too.  All of a sudden an easy deal becomes complicated, expensive and adversarial.

Want to keep your situation from going from No Fault to Yo’ Fault?  Do your homework, have an assessment with an attorney that practices family law, keep the peace, and be smart.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney that can handle your divorce whether it’s your fault, their fault, or somebody else’s.  Trust the Bow Tie.

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