Category Archives: divorce

Holiday Burnout; 3 Tips to Cope and Keep Moving Forward.

Now that the Holiday’s hustle and bustle are behind us it is common for an emotional lull or brief bout of depression to set in.  These are the Christmas Blues and are real.  These are especially common in those persons dealing with the stress of family law litigation.

Christmas Blues happen for a number of reasons; all of the excitement and anticipation of the holidays have passed, financial problems that were ignored can no longer be (your personal financial cliff), the relatives you actually enjoy seeing have gone back home, and the “doldrums” of work and real life are back, in full force. There is even a medical term that can be applied; seasonal affective disorder.

There are a few mechanisms to cope with these Christmas Blues. I have previously blogged on dealing with stress by keeping a routine, adding some form of physical fitness and making your bed everyday, these continue to be applicable.  However, the Christmas Blues can be counteracted with a few other techniques, which also happen to be appropriate if you are dealing with or anticipate dealing with family law issues.

  • Get a financial check-up.  Meet with your financial advisor or CPA.  Hire one if you don’t have one.  You may think you don’t have a need or do not have enough assets to warrant it, however knowing what you have, where it goes and what to do with it helps regardless of your situation.
  • Get a medical check-up.  This is almost as unpopular as going to the dentist, but do it anyway.  Knowing what’s going on with your health is important and can head off future issues. I know you’re busy and feel fine.  Do it anyway.
  • Get a spiritual check-up.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Why is their so much illness and tragedy in the world?  I do not have all of the answers, but these are common questions.  Being centered, be it through your church, other place of worship or out in the woods, helps you cope with life’s unanswered questions.

These are not earth shattering, though may be annoying or hard to schedule.  Do it anyway.  You will not regret it.

Matthew is a divorce attorney, food blogger, and Mississippian, none of which he apologizes for.  Follow the @ http://www.BowTieLawyer.ms.

You may contact the Firm at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

BowTieLawyer’s Top Rated Posts of 2012 (and a few of my favorites)

Below are the Top Rated posts for BowTieLawyer for 2012 and a few of my favorites.  Thank you for viewing this blog, posting comments and sharing.  I think this is a worthwhile blog and I enjoy doing it.

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I began on August 14, 2012, blogging about Family Law issues and whatever else I felt like.

TOP 5 POSTS FOR 2012

And a few of my Favorites;

Thompson Law Firm, pllc        (601) 850-8000

Top 3 Lawyer Jokes (Some of my favorites)

I think we can admit we all enjoy a good lawyer Joke every now and again.  We’re an affable bunch, generally, and easy targets.  We do so much that can be made fun of.  Here are a few of my favorites.

  • 3.  What do you call 10,000 Lawyers in the ocean?

A good start.

  • 2.  A Doctor, an Engineer and a Lawyer were discussing who represented the oldest of their three professions. The doctor said, “On the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and made Eve, making him the first surgeon. So medicine is the oldest profession.”  The Engineer said, “Before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, making Him the first Engineer. So engineering is older than medicine.”  The Lawyer spoke up, “True, but who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”
  • 1.    A man in Arizona calls his  adult son in New York a few days before Christmas and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.  Forty-five years of misery is enough.”  “What are you talking about?,” the son asks.  “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m tired of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”  Frantic, the son calls his sister, who becomes very upset on the phone. “They are not getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”She calls home to Arizona immediately and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay” he says, “they will be here for Christmas and they’re paying their own way.”
  • What’s your favorite lawyer joke?  Send an email or leave a comment.  You may see it here!

Thompson Law Firm, pllc     Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com     (601) 850-8000

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The Top 5 Lies of Divorce Clients

There is an old lawyer joke… How do you tell when your client is lying to you?  When their lips are moving.  Lying to your lawyer is a really bad idea for multiple reasons.  It is primarily bad because advice can change based on the facts of your circumstance and if we, as the lawyer, do not know the facts our advice may not be right.  And the whole perjury thing is bad too.  Without further ado, here are the top 5 lies that clients tell.

  • 5.  Lies about Income.  
  • Clients that make a lot of money often understate their income.  Also, I have had clients say they make more than they do, I guess because of embarrassment.  It is a really bad idea to lie about income regardless of the reason.  The other party has the right to get pay records directly from your bank or employer and lying about making more than you do can result in you paying more than you owe.
  • 4.  Lies about their role within the Home.  
  • The husband comes in and says he does all of the cooking, cleaning, child rearing and otherwise paints himself as Martha Stewart, when he is more like Haagar the Horrible.  Out pillaging, but not big on household chores.  This matters because it effects the division of assets and has custody and alimony applications.
  • 3.  Lies about Other Marital Fault.
  • #3 is other marital fault because it is saving room for #1.  But this means that the client tells you about how awful the other party was.  How they were attacked or provoked and only reacted and defended themselves.  They “forgot” to mention the domestic violence conviction and the meth lab in the garage.  Oops.
  • 2.  Lies about Value$.
  • In a similar vein to lies about income, clients understate the value of investments, collectibles and businesses.  This can be very significant and a husband that misled the Court about the value of his privately owned business resulted in the wife coming back after the fact and getting more value when he had a falling out with a business partner.  Also, that 1953 Chevrolet Coupe is worth more than you are saying it is.
  • 1.  Lies about Adultery.
  • #1 for a reason.  It’s hard to admit when you are wrong.  By the way, “I didn’t have an affair, it was just a one-night stand,” is still an affair. It is adultery.  Lying about this can bumfoozle a legal strategy of trying to prevent the divorce.   If the other party has grounds against you and wants a divorce they can get it.  If you lie about it chances are you will eventually be caught.

These are just some of the lies told everyday.  It is important to tell your lawyer the truth, including the dirty details. It can make a difference in your case.

Matthew Thompson is a Divorce Attorney in Mississippi and encourages potential clients to tell your lawyer the truth!

Follow the blog:#BowTieLawyer 

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Know Your Rights! Get a diagnosis.

This blog is inspired by the many, many folks I encounter on a weekly basis who have “no clue” what their rights are.

  • If you’re ill, you go to the doctor to get a check-up.

  • If your car is squeaking, you go to the mechanic.

  • If your roof is leaking, you call the repair man.

But if you think you are in a legal situation, what do you do?  YOU IGNORE IT!

Do NOT ignore it.  Go see an attorney.  They don’t bite.  We’ve already discussed how to determine if you need one (here) and how to find one (here).  This is just aimed at the folks on the fence and those choosing to be blissfully ignorant.  Not knowing your rights, not knowing the law, and not knowing your options is a bad thing.

There are deadlines, timelines, and statutes of limitation.  Memories fail, people forget or misremember, documents get lost, people get lost, and “witnesses” die.  Records get erased, deleted and shredded.  Bruises and wounds heal, scars fade, and most persons recall times past more fondly (or at least not as bad) than they were.

Get off the fence.  Get informed and know your rights.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc    Matthew@BowTieLawyer.ms    (601) 850-8000

Things Primary Custodians Know; Custody Battles

When mom and dad are getting a divorce, or even if not married, custody is frequently an issue.  In the event that they cannot agree to the Custody arrangement, the Court will decide for them by applying the Albright Custody factors.

Within these factors there are a few which carry more weight than others. (Ultimately the Jude determines the weight of each).  Today’s blog is focusing on the “continuity of care prior to separation.”  This means who has been the primary caregiver.  To determine this the Court conducts a factual review of the parties actions and conduct with regards to being the primary caregiver and knowing the things primary caregivers know.

Primary caregivers know;

  • School teacher(s)
  • Day care provider(s)
  • Pediatrician
  • Dentist
  • Close friends of the child
  • Child’s favorites; food, colors, TV shows, toys
  • Child’s physical health issues
  • Clothes sizes
  • Shoe sizes

Primary caregivers do the following;

  • Get the child ready for their day
  • Cook, clean, wash, bathe the child
  • Take the child to and from school
  • To and from the Dr.’s visits
  • Playdates
  • Birthday parties at the Jump Zone
  • School programs
  • Extracurricular Activities
  • Clothes shopping
  • Shoe shopping
  • Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny

While the division of the above chores is rarely even, and each parent has their role, more often than not one parent is doing more and the Court will consider the facts when determining continuity of care.

*The Court determines the weight of each factor.  Even if a parent was favored in continuity of care, that factor alone does not provide that they will gain custody in every circumstance.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc          (601) 850-8000

Can Children Testify in Court?

Child testimony is an often discussed issue between parents and attorneys dealing with family law cases. When parents are getting a divorce the children usually know more than their parents think and have “discoverable” information. The children most likely witnessed fights, arguments, or other “bad” conduct. Perhaps they knew of one parties misconduct and were asked to help hide it, or at least not disclose it. Also, the children frequently know there is more to the story than mom and dad can no longer get along.

“We reiterate that parents in a divorce proceedingimgres.jpg should if at all possible refrain from calling any of the children of their marriage, of tender years at least, as witnesses, and counsel should advise their clients against doing so except in the most exigent cases.”- Jethrow v. Jethrow

So, do the children testify or not? Typically having the children testify should be avoided if it can be. There are several seminal cases in Mississippi law that deal with child testimony. For Chancery Court, or divorce court, purposes the leading authority is Jethrow vs. Jethrow, 571 So.2d 270 (Miss. 1990). This case lays the groundwork that the Court should use when assessing child testimony. Different Courts and different Judges apply Jethrow in varying ways, but the basic premise is, as follows;

  • A child witnesses of tender years, 12 and under for testimony purposes, testifying is subject to the discretion of the Judge.
  • Before allowing such testimony the Judge “should satisfy himself that the child has the ability to perceive and remember events, to understand and answer questions intelligently, and to comprehend and accept the importance of truthfulness.”

Before excluding the testimony of a child witness of tender years in a divorce proceeding, the chancellor at a minimum should follow the procedure required by Crownover v. Crownover, 33 Ill.App.3rd 327, 337 N.E.2d 56 (1975):

  • The first hurdle is whether the child is competent to testify.
  • The Judge should confer in camera (meaning in the Judge’s chambers/office) with the child and determine whether or not the child’s testimony should be heard
  • The Judge has considerable discretion in conducting proceedings of this type, meaning it’s a judgment call.
  • The court should not, however, reject outright proposed testimony of a child in custody proceedings, where the omission of such crucial testimony might be harmful to the child’s best interests.
  • The trial court should take great pains to have an in camera conference with the child to determine the competency of the child,
  • as well as the competency of any evidence which the child might present.
  • The court should also then determine whether the best interests of the child would be served by permitting her to testify, or
  • Whether the child should be sheltered from testifying and being subjected to a vigorous cross-examination.
  • The Judge should report the essential material matters developed at the in camera conference on the record.
  • The Court should state the reasons for allowing or disallowing the testimony of the child, and
  • The Court should note the factual information which the court developed from the conference with the child which would be considered by the court in its ultimate determinations in the case.

Generally, the testimony of a child called as a witness in a divorce case should not be excluded for reasons other than competency, or evidentiary defects, or for the protection of the child. (24 Am.Jur.2d, Divorce and Separation, A 415). There should not be a summary refusal to inquire as to the competency of the child to testify and also of the competency of the proposed testimony of such child in a change of custody proceeding.

“We reiterate that parents in a divorce proceeding should if at all possible refrain from calling any of the children of their marriage, of tender years at least, as witnesses, and counsel should advise their clients against doing so except in the most exigent cases. The reason and wisdom behind this precaution need no amplification. We also hold, however, as we must that no parent can be precluded from having a child of the marriage in a divorce proceeding testify simply because of that fact.” Jethrow v. Jethrow, 571 So.2d 270, 274 (Miss. 1990).

A child testifying should be avoided if it can be, however if it cannot be avoided the above process will likely be used by the Court to determine if and how the child will testify.

Visit the website: #Thompson Law Firm  You may also contact Matthew with your family law matter or question at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Condoning Bad Behavior; Losing Grounds for Divorce

They cheated! You found out…you TRIED to work it out, but the trust has been broken and you just cannot get over it.  You decide you have no choice but to file a suit for adultery.  You’ll get your fair share and move on. Right? Not so fast…

In Mississippi, to be awarded a Divorce, you have to either have Fault Grounds(click) against your spouse, that can be proven, or you and your spouse have to agree to ALL issues in the divorce, via Irreconcilable Differences(click). (All issues must be agreed; the divorce, itself, who gets what, who pays what, everything has to be agreed).

Additionally, in Mississippi, there are Defenses to a Divorce.  A Defense can be used to prevent the Divorce. One of those Defenses is Condonation.

Condonation is “legal forgiveness.”  This happens when the aggrieved spouse knows of the fault, in this example an affair, and decides to reconcile with the other party, when you TRIED to work it out.

Once the aggrieved party makes that decision to reconcile and the parties resume, or continue cohabitation, and resume marital relations (sex) the aggrieved party has legally forgiven the guilty party.  So what does that mean?  There are no longer grounds for divorce based upon adultery.

There are a few catches.  The guilty spouse must, in good faith, attempt the reconciliation intentionally with the purpose of saving the marriage.  Additionally, the aggrieved spouse can only forgive what they know about.  If there were multiple affairs and all were not disclosed there may still exist fault grounds, whether they are aware of it or not.  Also, the behavior, the adultery, if repeated revives the grounds for divorce.  That is, past acts that were known may have been forgiven, but if repeated the aggrieved would have grounds again.  Future acts would not be forgiven either solely based on a prior reconciliation.

Condonation is one of those more difficult issues to wrestle with in divorce.  The Court must consider the knowledge of the aggrieved spouse, the intent of the guilty spouse, the effort(s) to reconcile – whether they are in good faith.  All these are fact specific and subjective determinations to be made by the Court.

Warning!!  Some lawyers will advise the guilty party to do or say whatever is necessary to get the other party back in bed, for “reconciliation,” so that the defense of Condonation may be used.  If you find yourself in this situation, please seek the advice of an attorney prior to a reconciliation attempt.  Divorce attorneys can also help you save your marriage, or at least advise you on the ramifications if you try.

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