All posts by BowTieLawyer

Matthew operates the Thompson Law Firm, pllc, a Mississippi based Family Law firm emphasizing; Divorce, Child Custody, Child Support, Modification, Contempt and Appeals, handling family law cases throughout Mississippi. (601) 850-8000 Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms www.BowTieLawyer.ms

Condoning Bad Behavior; Losing Grounds for Divorce

They cheated! You found out…you TRIED to work it out, but the trust has been broken and you just cannot get over it.  You decide you have no choice but to file a suit for adultery.  You’ll get your fair share and move on. Right? Not so fast…

In Mississippi, to be awarded a Divorce, you have to either have Fault Grounds(click) against your spouse, that can be proven, or you and your spouse have to agree to ALL issues in the divorce, via Irreconcilable Differences(click). (All issues must be agreed; the divorce, itself, who gets what, who pays what, everything has to be agreed).

Additionally, in Mississippi, there are Defenses to a Divorce.  A Defense can be used to prevent the Divorce. One of those Defenses is Condonation.

Condonation is “legal forgiveness.”  This happens when the aggrieved spouse knows of the fault, in this example an affair, and decides to reconcile with the other party, when you TRIED to work it out.

Once the aggrieved party makes that decision to reconcile and the parties resume, or continue cohabitation, and resume marital relations (sex) the aggrieved party has legally forgiven the guilty party.  So what does that mean?  There are no longer grounds for divorce based upon adultery.

There are a few catches.  The guilty spouse must, in good faith, attempt the reconciliation intentionally with the purpose of saving the marriage.  Additionally, the aggrieved spouse can only forgive what they know about.  If there were multiple affairs and all were not disclosed there may still exist fault grounds, whether they are aware of it or not.  Also, the behavior, the adultery, if repeated revives the grounds for divorce.  That is, past acts that were known may have been forgiven, but if repeated the aggrieved would have grounds again.  Future acts would not be forgiven either solely based on a prior reconciliation.

Condonation is one of those more difficult issues to wrestle with in divorce.  The Court must consider the knowledge of the aggrieved spouse, the intent of the guilty spouse, the effort(s) to reconcile – whether they are in good faith.  All these are fact specific and subjective determinations to be made by the Court.

Warning!!  Some lawyers will advise the guilty party to do or say whatever is necessary to get the other party back in bed, for “reconciliation,” so that the defense of Condonation may be used.  If you find yourself in this situation, please seek the advice of an attorney prior to a reconciliation attempt.  Divorce attorneys can also help you save your marriage, or at least advise you on the ramifications if you try.

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Grandparents, Not Just for Babysitting (Grandparent’s Visitation in Mississippi)

For as long as people have had children there have been grandchildren.  Where there are grandchildren there are Grandparents.  Where there are Grandparents there are free babysitters!

Mississippi has a statute, MCA 93-16-3, that specifically provides for Grandparent’s Visitation.  Grandparent’s Visitation is different from babysitting and is different from just being in the child’s life.  Specifically, Grandparent Visitation is for when the mother or father of the child dies, to insure that the Grandparent continues to have access to the child or when the Grandparent and their child have a falling out and the Grandparent has a viable relationship and active in the grandchild’s life, and also in divorce and/or Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) situations.

The law provides a viable relationship may be proven by showing that the grandparent has supported the grandchild in whole or in part for at least six months prior to the filing of the petition, or the grandparent had frequent visitation for one year prior to the filing of the petition.

The case of Martin v. Coop, 693 So.2d 912, 913 (Miss. 1997), list the factors the Court considers when determining the amount of Grandparent Visitation.

  • Potential disruption in the child’s life;
  • Suitability of the grandparents’ home;
  • The child’s age;
  • The age, physical and mental health of the grandparents;
  • The emotional ties between grandparents and the child;
  • The grandparents’ moral fitness;
  • Physical distance from the parents’ home;
  • Any undermining of the parents’ discipline;
  • The grandparents’ employment responsibilities;
  • The grandparents’ willingness not to interfere with the parents’ rearing of the child.

Usually grandparent visitation is not the equivalent of parental visitation.  Meaning grandparents will not get every other weekend under ordinary circumstances.

A Grandparent Visitation suit can also result in the Grandparents paying their own attorney fees PLUS those of the mother/father as  provided for in the statute.

Grandparents have rights in Mississippi to see their grandchildren.

**Grandparent Visitation is different from a grandparent seeking custody, which is a different standard and a blog for another day.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney and knows grandparent’s rights.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

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You Never Marry the Right Person.

This thought provoking title was taken from an excerpt from The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller and appeared in Relevant Magazine.  This title, while appearing startling, is actually pretty profound if you think about it.  The gist is that searching for someone who accepts you as you are and fulfills your desires, creates an unrealistic set of expectations that frustrates both you and your partner.  This results in someone relying too much on a marriage partner for their own self-fulfillment.  It creates impossible expectations.

The article instead encourages one to view marriage as the coming together of two flawed people working to create “stability, love and consolation.”  While the search for soul-mates and the one that “completes you” is romantic to think about and makes for entertaining movies, (if you like that sort of thing try, He’s Just Not That Into You) it is unrealistic and overly simplistic.   The article concludes, “[s]imply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner.”  And I would add, and not asking enough of themselves.

You never marry the right person, but the marriage can be right!

Source:  THE MEANING OF MARRIAGE © 2011 by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller.  Published by Dutton, A Member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. 

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Who Gets the Stuff? Fighting over Furniture…

Who gets what is always an issue in divorce.  Mississippi Courts use a concept known as Equitable Distribution – which means things are to be divided fairly, but not necessarily equally.  Now, more often than not it is close to an equal division.  So what is stuff?  For the purposes of this post, I am referring to personal property.  Furniture, electronics, utensils, personal effects – Stuff!

divorce furntiture
Courtesy of random internet search.

The Court will allow the parties to agree to any division that they can mutually agree upon.  Barring that, the Court may also employ the “Two List Method.”  One party makes 2 list of everything in the home, “equally divided,” and the other party gets to pick which complete list of items they want.  The party that made the lists gets the list of items not picked by the other.  Courts think this is a fair way to do it.

But, what if my family gave me that dinette set?  The Court will take into consideration if the property is marital property or not, but by and large anything acquired during the course of the marriage is marital.  And, anything used, or “commingled,” by the family can lose its separate status and become a marital asset.  Now this does not mean that he is going to get Grandma’s antique China Buffet, but it does mean that a portion of the value could be deemed marital and there could be a set-off through other means.  He could get both couches, instead.

Who gets the stuff?  Usually it’s somewhat of a balancing act.  Each party receives their own respective personal effects and the parties are usually able to agree as to who gets what of the Stuff.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc    Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com    (601) 850-8000

Do I Need a Lawyer?

This question, “Do I NEED a Lawyer?” is asked of me on an almost daily basis.  It’s one of those questions that when you ask a lawyer if you need a lawyer – you know what the answer is going to be. “Yes!  You need a a lawyer.”  If you are having to ask if you need a lawyer, you probably need a lawyer.

So, when do you NEED a lawyer?

  • When you have been sued.  If there is an active lawsuit you need to see a lawyer.
  • When you have been seriously injured and it was not your fault.  This applies to car wrecks, but it also applies to any injury.
  • When you have been arrested.  Law Enforcement involvement is usually a significant sign that you need an attorney.
  • When there are significant risks involved.  Lawyers are trained to identify and attempt to minimize risk.

Well, you think, if I talk to a lawyer it may make the issue more serious.  Perhaps, but lawyers, for the most part try to help.  Their goal is to advise you, help you, and/or defend you from whatever harm is at issue.  Knowing your rights, being prepared, and being fully informed are never negatives to self-preservation.

Okay, so I need a lawyer. How do I find one? Glad you asked. (click me)

If you think you need a lawyer, You Do.  If you are asking yourself, or others, if you need a lawyer, You Do.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney in Mississippi.  He uses an attorney when he needs one and you should too.  Trust the Bow Tie.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer    Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com.

Solomon did not “Split the Baby.”

“Splitting the Baby” is a phrase that has taken root in our lexicon.  It references King Solomon’s decision where two mothers were embroiled in a “custody battle” over a child, each claiming the child to be their own. 1 Kings 3:16 KJV

In family law courts, oftentimes the Judges compare themselves to Solomon when making decisions.  These Judges must make tough decisions based testimony and evidence that are frequently in stark contrast depending upon which party was offering up the facts and proof.

In the Biblical Custody Battle, King Solomon was faced with one infant and two mothers.  Solomon did not know which woman was the child’s real mother, so he arranged a test to see if he could determine the true mother.  In Solomon’s case, the real mother was willing to let the other woman have her child in order to spare his life, while the other woman (whose own baby previously died) agreed with King Solomon that the baby should be cut in two, with each woman receiving half.  The real mother in King Solomon’s court was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice of giving the child up, so that he might live.   The Holy Bible, King James Version, 1 Kings 3:16.

These days, however, it seems that when we talk about “splitting the baby” we are referencing making decisions that leave both parties unhappy.  I have heard a Judge say that if both parties leave unhappy then they must have gotten the result right.  There may be some instances where this holds true, however there was no splitting in the Biblical version of Solomon’s decision.

Splitting the baby may be the solution if it’s not an actual baby.  But the wisdom of Solomon is remembered, celebrated, and often cited because he, in fact, did not split the baby.

Thompson Law Firm, pllc     Matthew Thompson     (601) 850-8000

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What to do when your Thanksgiving Black Friday is Stolen; Identity Theft

With Thanksgiving and Christmas quickly approaching, it is always a good idea to be vigilant in protecting your identity.  Along with serious shopping comes a serious chance of having your identity stolen.

stockimages /freedigitalphotos.net

Clients frequently inquire about what can be done about stolen identity and fraudulent charges. The following are steps you should take immediately.

(1)      Contact the local police department and file a report of the theft.  Be sure to take as much documentation of the ID theft as you can.  *(Not all police stations will want to take the report, but the Federal Trade Commission has a Staff Memorandum to Police on the Importance of Taking Identity Theft Police Reports  which may be helpful in having the report filed.)

(2)      Contact any creditors for the accounts that you believe have been corrupted or fraudulently opened.

a.           Ask to speak with the Fraud or Security Department and inform them of the theft.  Some companies accept an Identity Theft Affidavit, but some require particular documentation to be provided.  Be sure to obtain the specific address to which a dispute letter or ID Theft Affidavit should be mailed.  Follow up the conversation with a letter.

b.          Request that the company provide all documents underlying the fraudulent activity.  By law the Fair Credit Reporting Act section 609(e), provides that creditors must give you a copy of the application or other business transaction records relating to your identity theft free of charge. Creditors must provide these records within thirty (30) days of receipt of your request. In order to obtain these records, you must mail your request to the address chosen by the creditor. Contact the creditor’s fraud department by telephone to find out if the creditor has chosen a specific address.

c.            If someone is misusing your existing checking account, accounts, or electronic funds transfers, such as your debit card, you should dispute in writing any charges run up by the identity thief on those accounts. Insist on having debits reinstated. Ask the representative to send you the company’s fraud dispute forms.  Dispute any bad checks passed in your name with merchants so they do not start collections actions against you.

 (3)      Contact the Fraud Department the credit reporting agencies (CRAs).  Inform them that you are an identity theft victim and that you wish to place a fraud alert on you file, as well as a victim’s statement requesting a call to you by the credit bureaus before opening or changing credit accounts.  An initial 90-day fraud alert will be placed, and this can be extended to 7-years, or a credit freeze can be placed.  (As soon as the credit bureau confirms your fraud alert, the other two credit bureaus will be automatically notified to place fraud alerts, and all three credit reports will be sent to you free of charge.  The victim should receive confirmation letters from all three CRAs confirming the 90-day fraud alert.  If no letter is received, the individual CRA should be contacted, and the victim may be asked to provide additional proof of the identity theft.)

 The three major credit agencies and their contact information are:

1.  Equifax
For Fraud Alerts, call: 800‑525‑6285 and write:
P.O. Box 740241, Atlanta, GA 30374‑0241
2.  Experian
For Fraud Alerts, call: 888‑EXPERIAN (397‑3742) and write:
P.O. Box 9530, Allen TX 75013
3.  TransUnion
For Fraud Alerts, call: 800‑680‑7289 and write:
Fraud Victim Assistance Division, P.O. Box 6790, Fullerton, CA 92634

(4)      Each CRA will provide a free credit report.  The victim should review the report.  The victim should review the reports for errors.  If there are errors the victim will need to contact the CRAs in order to correct the credit reports.  The CRAs are required to block fraudulent items that the consumer did not open or that the consumer did not make.  Attempting to have the report corrected can be initiated by the victim sending an Identity Theft Report (police report), letter explaining what is fraudulent (highlight areas on the report), and proof of identity.

(5)      File a report with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) on their Identity Theft Hotline at 1‑877‑IDTHEFT (1‑877‑438‑4338) or their website at  www.consumer.gov/idtheft.

(6)      Contact the Consumer Protection Division of the Mississippi Attorney General’s Office and request an ID Theft Packet at 1‑800‑281‑4418.  Complete the ID Theft Affidavit in the packet and return it to this address:

Mississippi Attorney General’s Office
Consumer Protection Division
Post Office Box 22947
Jackson, MS   39225‑2947

(7)  Once the identity theft dispute has been resolved with the creditor, ask for a letter from the creditor stating that they have closed the disputed accounts and have discharged you of the fraudulent debts. This letter is the best proof if errors relating to this account reappear on your credit report or the victim is mistakenly contacted again about the fraudulent debt.  Keep old files. Although most cases once resolved, stay resolved, in some cases, problems can crop up again.

*Meridian attorney Amanda Evans provided this insightful primer on what to do.
EVANS LAW FIRM, PLLC
2324 Front Street
Meridian, MS 39301
(601) 575-0096
www.msattorneyatlaw.com

Matthew Thompson is Domestic Relations Lawyer in Mississippi and reminds you to be smart when you shop in stores and online.  

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the websiteThompson Law Firm  You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Dealing with Disappointment; Divorce, Stress and Uncertainty

Unfortunately, disappointment is a part of life.  It can also be a major part of family law cases.  Most often in a family law case, someone is going through just about the most difficult thing they do as an adult when dealing with a divorce/custody matter.  Either they have done something, or their spouse has, which has caused significant upheaval, loss of trust and despair   A large part of family law includes helping someone cope with those feelings and emotions.

While there is no easy answer on how to cope, there are a number of things that can be done to promote healing.

  • Seek Counseling.  I recommend counseling to almost every client.  This is NOT because I think something is wrong with them.  It is because Counselors are people who have expertise in dealing with persons going through emotional crisis.  A lawyer can deal with a legal crisis, and some are good at the emotional issues too, but all are not.  A counselor can help and they have often heard and dealt with a similar circumstance.  Counseling can be with a licensed counselor, a religious leader or a sage friend with experience.
  • Keep a Routine.  Keeping a routine can help more than you think.  A recent study showed that persons who made their bed each morning were more organized and felt better about themselves throughout the day.  This routine made their day better.  This is something easy to do and it only takes 2 minutes, but can make a difference in how you feel.  I encourage my clients to get in a routine and keep it. I encourage them to continue their exercise regimen or start one.  Let’s Go Walking (a la Haley Barbour!).  I also encourage them to eat the right stuff.  While this may sound dumb or not my business – a family law matter concerns mind, body, and spirit.
  • Listen to Your Attorney.  One of the easiest things to say and hardest to do is to follow the advice of your attorney.  Ideally, you are working with an attorney that has handled many situations, which have been similar to yours.  Just like you, attorneys learn from experience.  Hire one that knows what they are doing and then take their advice.  This one factor alone is worthy of its own blog…

Disappointment is a part of life and, seemingly, a large part of family law.  Effectively dealing with the “bumps” in the road will help you get back on track.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

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