Category Archives: Opinion

Dealing with Disappointment; Divorce, Stress and Uncertainty

11/16/2012 BowTieLawyer 8 Comments

Unfortunately, disappointment is a part of life. It can also be a major part of family law cases. Most often in a family law case, someone is going through just about the most difficult thing they do as an adult when dealing with a divorce/custody matter. Either they have done something, or their spouse has, which has caused significant upheaval, loss of trust and despair A large part of family law includes helping someone cope with those feelings and emotions.

While there is no easy answer on how to cope, there are a number of things that can be done to promote healing.

Seek Counseling. I recommend counseling to almost every client. This is NOT because I think something is wrong with them. It is because Counselors are people who have expertise in dealing with persons going through emotional crisis. A lawyer can deal with a legal crisis, and some are good at the emotional issues too, but all are not. A counselor can help and they have often heard and dealt with a similar circumstance. Counseling can be with a licensed counselor, a religious leader or a sage friend with experience.

Keep a Routine. Keeping a routine can help more than you think. A recent study showed that persons who made their bed each morning were more organized and felt better about themselves throughout the day. This routine made their day better. This is something easy to do and it only takes 2 minutes, but can make a difference in how you feel. I encourage my clients to get in a routine and keep it. I encourage them to continue their exercise regimen or start one. Let’s Go Walking (a la Haley Barbour!). I also encourage them to eat the right stuff. While this may sound dumb or not my business – a family law matter concerns mind, body, and spirit.

Listen to Your Attorney. One of the easiest things to say and hardest to do is to follow the advice of your attorney. Ideally, you are working with an attorney that has handled many situations, which have been similar to yours. Just like you, attorneys learn from experience. Hire one that knows what they are doing and then take their advice. This one factor alone is worthy of its own blog…

Disappointment is a part of life and, seemingly, a large part of family law. Effectively dealing with the “bumps” in the road will help you get back on track.

Follow the blog: BowTieLawyer Visit the website: Thompson Law Firm

You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce, Irreconcilable differences, Opinion

From No Fault to Yo’ Fault

11/14/2012 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

The clever title to this blog was proposed by an attorney friend of mine that handles some family law matters, but practices extensively in other areas of law.

We were recently discussing how “No Fault” cases get derailed. While Mississippi is technically not a true “No Fault” state, there are provisions for an Irreconcilable Differences divorce. (commonly referred to as “No Fault,” blogged prior.)

We were discussing what gets them off track. The parties, after getting over the initial shock of divorce, decide they will be adults and agree. They think they can agree to the divorce and resolve their differences. After all, they did manage to get along for 9 years, have two kids and bought a house. What could go wrong? Perhaps they searched online and looked at divorceyourself.com. A very risky idea!

Well, the old adage that the devil is in the details is never truer than in divorce. The No Fault idea gets derailed when the fellow realizes he will have to pay 20% of his income towards child support, plus health insurance and alimony. Yikes! He realizes it’s cheaper to keep her. (sorry for the cliché) The wife gets squirrely when she realizes that her half of the retirement account is consumed by balancing the equity in the house, or that the money she gets cannot be realized without significant tax consequences.

Parties to a divorce don’t realize child support is until 21, not 18 in Mississippi. They don’t know the types of custody, or what that means. They agree to things that they cannot legally agree to and fail to consider the consequences. They agree to “legal terms” that do not exist in Mississippi law, because they saw it online. And lastly, one of them is finally convinced to see an attorney by a close friend or family member and when they do and realize the consequences of what they were about to do and back out, the other side becomes angry and backs out too. All of a sudden an easy deal becomes complicated, expensive and adversarial.

Want to keep your situation from going from No Fault to Yo’ Fault? Do your homework, have an assessment with an attorney that practices family law, keep the peace, and be smart.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney that can handle your divorce whether it’s your fault, their fault, or somebody else’s. Trust the Bow Tie.

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Opinion

Voting & Mississippi -(a very brief history)

11/05/2012 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

With the election one day away, this is the (obligatory) “be sure you vote” blawg.

Tuesday we go to the polls to elect State and National officials. You get to vote for the person you think should be President, and a MS Senator, (if in your district) Congressmen, 2 MS Supreme Court Justices , and a host of local positions, such as election commissioners.

We hear and see a lot of talk about Mississippi being subject to Federal oversight in her elections. Below is a brief explanation of that Federal oversight.

Mississippi has a stormy past when it comes to voting rights – attempting to restrict minority access to voting – and those past State actions can still be felt in today’s elections. Mississippi is one of 8 states subject to the Department of Justice “pre-clearance” and oversight on any voting/election law changes pursuant to the Voting Rights Act of 1965. (Some sections of other states are subject to the pre-clearance oversight).

This legislation was designed to ensure the right of minority citizens to register and vote, and to prevent discriminatory laws passed by state and local entities. Both permanent and non-permanent provisions are proscribed. One permanent provision applies nationwide and outlaws any voting practice that results in the denial of voting rights on the basis of a person’s race, color, or membership in a language-minority group.

The non-permanent provisions that are relevant to Mississippi require “pre-clearance” of any changes in voting/election laws and allows the DOJ to send federal observers to the polls in Mississippi

To pass muster any changes in voting/election laws must demonstrate that the voting change does not have the purpose or effect of discriminating on the basis of race or language minority. If the DOJ or the federal court determines that there is a discriminatory purpose or effect, then an objection is issued. If an objection is issued, the change cannot be put into operation.

Source: The Voting Rights Act and Mississippi 1965-2006, A Report of the RenewtheVRA.org, by Robert McDuff.

With that brief history of MS voting you can see the impact and importance that the right to vote has for many citizens. Exercise your right to vote; let your voice be heard and your vote be counted.

Thompson Law Firm, PLLC (601) 850-8000 Matthew@wmtlawfirm.com

Divorce, Opinion

Call an Audible! Effectively Making Adjustments in Strategy.

11/03/2012 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

Watching the first half of the State game has inspired a blog! MSU is running a 3-4 defensive scheme. This means there are 3 defensive linemen and 4 linebackers. The problem here is that A&M is blocking 3 defenders with 5 and sometimes 6 blockers. The State defensive front is outnumbered.

This allows the A&M QB, Johnny Football, time to find the open receiver or scramble around and run. Two things he’s good at.
The point is you have to have a game plan coming in, but when it’s not working and you find yourself trailing by 4 scores it’s time for a strategy change.
Divorce is the same way. You have to have a strategy to get to your end game. Be it through litigation or negotiation, but if you find it not working, change strategies!

A recent case I was involved in had the wife doggedly pursuing a cruelty based divorce. But cruelty “proof” was light to say the least. No physical abuse, no real major altercations and no extreme behavior by the husband. The wife’s strategy however was to take it all the way and get her divorce, despite that she could not. The husband’s strategy was to defend and negotiate. The wife refused. The husband stayed the course, much like, I suspect A&M will stay the course the second half.

Well, after a 1/2 day in trial and the wife’s “best” witnesses of cruelty barely making a fizzle with the Court, she decided to negotiate. The end result was an agreement to all issues with both giving more in some areas and taking less in others.

Her forgoing her prior game plan in the face of a defense ready for it resulted in an agreed resolution. Let’s hope MSU makes halftime adjustments with their defense and changes their game plan for the better.
UPDATE… The Bulldogs made adjustments at the half they came out with a 4 and 5 down linemen defensive scheme. They have been able to hold a potent A&M offense to just one additional score so far and have scored themselves and are putting together some good looking drives.

Make adjustments in your game plan as needed.

Thompson Law Firm, PLLC
(601) 850-8000
Matthew@ wmtlawfirm.com

Divorce, Opinion

Reasons for Getting Divorced~$ex, $ & boredom.

10/25/2012 BowTieLawyer 1 Comment

There is article after article and study after study listing the Top Reasons for Divorce. Here are my “unscientific” Top Reasons for Divorce.

courtesy of stockimages/freedigitalphotos.net

1) Sex. The complaint is either one wants too much, one wants too little, or one is having it with someone they are not supposed to. Frequently its a combination of all 3.

2) Money. The complaint here is that one has too little, one wants too much, or one is sharing it with someone they are not supposed to, or spending on something they should not, or spending money they don’t have…

3) Getting Old. This complaint can refer to; a) the concept of the relationship getting old, losing its “new car smell,” becoming incompatible, or it can refer to b) the parties actually getting old and, typically, the fellow trading his current spouse for a newer, younger model. Crass, but true. Additionally, getting old can refer to c) the bad habits, the nagging, the actions that you used to be able to tolerate from your spouse, but have gotten on your nerves so much that you can no longer take it.

These are frequent reasons that cause divorce, or at least contribute to the cause of divorce.

What else do you see as a primary reason for divorce? Post in Comments or Email.

Thompson Law Firm, PLLC http://www.bowtielawyer.ms (601) 850-8000

Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Child Custody, Divorce, Opinion

The BEST thing you can do for your CHILD…

10/22/2012 BowTieLawyer 5 Comments

In Family Law the “best interest of the child” is the paramount concern for the Court. When parents are feuding over custody, or child related matters, the Court is charged with deciphering what is in the best interest of the child by determining the facts of a particular situation and how those facts relate to a list of certain factors. This is called an Albright Analysis (previously blogged).

However, while this may result in the Court determining which parent is in the best interest of the child- it only ultimately results in a comparison of the two and does not indicate what act/actions are in the best interest of the child. In English, this means the Court picks the better parent, but it does not automatically mean that the favored parent is a great parent. Rather it just means they were better than the alternative.

So, what is a great parent? A parent that reads to their young child, provides for their education, health and general welfare. A parent that has fun with their child and encourages creative thinking and activities. Well, yes. All of these are factors in good parenting.

But what is the best thing that YOU can do for your child? Love them. Sure, but in addition, LOVE the other parent.

What? That creep? Yes. Loving the other parent means you make sure the other parent is in that child’s life in a meaningful way. Loving the other parent means you are not denigrating them to the child or others. Loving the other parents means you do not do anything to cause your child to not love the other parent.

I see the opposite too much! One parent hates the other. They try to punish the other parent by restricting their access to the child. This is wrong. (There may be circumstances that warrant this, but they are rare and are usually temporary.)

What is the BEST thing you, as a parent, can do for your Child? LOVE the other parent enough to let them have a relationship with the child.

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@BowTieLawyer.ms

Child Custody, Crime, Divorce, Opinion

It’s “ok” to LIE to your Children.

10/18/2012 BowTieLawyer 3 Comments

It never fails. One of the aggrieved parties to a divorce tells the dirty details to the child regarding the other parent. This is never appropriate or “ok.” Never. Never to a young child. What about when….? No. Never.

But that parent, with their righteous indignation tells me, or testifies, “I do NOT lie to my child?” My response? “Well, what about the Tooth Fairy?“

We lie to our children a lot. A LiveScience.com article stated it better, “Parents Lie to Children Surprisingly Often.” This article concluded that parent’s lie to protect their child and lie to preserve some semblance of innocence and childhood for their children. These are all good things.

The Tooth Fairy question gets that indignant parent every time. There is no good reason to spill the beans about the other parent’s misdeeds to the child. You should be telling them that “mommy” loves them very much. Not that she cares more about dancing on a pole with bikers than being a decent mom, even if it’s true. When the kids are older they will realize the truth and appreciate you all the more for allowing them to have a childhood and to love their other parent, even if the other parent did not deserve it.

It’s okay to lie to your children. Who says so? Me, a divorce attorney.

Disagree? Tell me why in comments or via email.

Matthew Thompson is a Child Custody Attorney in Mississippi and believes sometimes lying to your children is in their best interests.

Follow the blog:#BowTieLawyer Visit the website: #Thompson Law Firm You may also contact Matthew with your family law matter or question at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms

Divorce, Opinion

The Great Debate? Not in Court.

10/16/2012 BowTieLawyer 1 Comment

If you or I answered questions in Court like the presidential candidates do at the recent town hall debate we would be running the risk of being held in Contempt!

In Court parties/witnesses must answer the question asked. It is preferred that the answer be “yes” or “no” and then an explanation offered if necessary. Obviously if it’s not a “yes or no question,” answer the question asked. This can be very difficult to do and takes practice to get this right. One of the things that can aid this is to practice or rehearse the actual questions with your attorney. By way of example, one of the candidates was asked does the Dept of Energy consider its role to work to reduce gas prices. The answer given was not “yes” or “no.” I am actually not sure what the answer was…and I listened to it.

If you find yourself in Court, not answering the question asked may result in the Court to conclude you are being deceptive. This is not an impression you want to create.

Another thing to be sure of is to answer only the question asked. Do not answer what is not asked and do not offer more than what is asked. The best example I can think of is when a party was asked if they had committed an affair with “Mary” since the separation. The answer was, “I have not committed an affair with ‘Mary’…since the separation.” There was an awkward pause. The awkward pause resulted in the follow up question of when did you commit your affair with Mary. The party told on himself by not just saying “No” which would have been a completely truthful answer to the question asked.