Divorce, General Legal, Marriage, Opinion

“What Rhymes with Hug Me?” (hey, hey, hey)

08/07/2013 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

Robin Thicke has a song out called Blurred Lines.

In the song he sings about sending mixed signals and how a response intended to mean one thing can be interpreted or mean another to the receiver.

Are your communications with your spouse doing the same thing?

Communication is critical. It’s critical in a healthy relationship and it’s critical in the aftermath. I have seen many, many post separation communications be misinterpreted and then used against the sending party. Email and text messages do not connote tone. Glib comments, being cute or even a smart aleck can easily be inferred or not.

Also, too much communication leads to mixed signals, mixed emotions, false hope and opportunity for your words to be used against you. Usually, I recommend limited communications and that those be about the children or emergencies, or course. Sometimes, however, I recommend no contact. You hired attorneys, let them do it.

Don’t blur the lines.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney in Mississippi and while Blurred Lines may be a catchy song, blurred lines of communication can lead to trouble.

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

alienation, Child Custody, Child Support, Crime, Divorce, General Legal, Modifications, Opinion, Visitation

The DIRT!** (24 Dirty Deeds in Family Law)

08/02/2013 BowTieLawyer 1 Comment

One of the unique things about my profession is that I routinely get paid to discuss the embarrassing, wild and sometimes just ignorant things people do.

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The DIRT is/are the things that the other side says you did, even if you did not do them; substance abuse, crimes, non-payment, hateful things…

What cannot be stressed enough is that you have to be honest and forthright with your attorney. If you hold something back and do not disclose the full story it can come back to bite you. Being bitten could mean not getting custody, having to pay attorney’s fees, going to jail or any combination of these.

What are Examples of Dirt you ask?

1) Instances of substance abuse,
2) DUIs,
3) Public Drunks,
4) Child Endangerment charges for DUI with the children present,
5) Arrests for assault,
6) Battery,
7)Crimes of moral turpitude or
8) Violence,
9) Substance abuse, even if not caught,
10) Knowing you would test “hot” or “positive” for an illegal drug or
11) Prescription drug for which you do not have a prescription.
12) And not telling your attorney any of the above is dangerous, even if they don’t ask. Sometimes we don’t know or think to ask if you
13) Are on probation from any crime.
14) Is there a no contact Order against you,
15) Domestic violence charges pending,
16) Active warrants for your arrest,
17) Suspended license.
18) Are you under investigation?
19) Meth lab in the garage,
20) Not to mention having a paramour, an affair,
21) Multiple affairs,
22) Paying for your mistresses’ vacation,
23) Buying the mistresses’ child a car, or
24) Expending large sums of money on frivolous things.

These are just 24 examples of DIRT that I saw…last week. These dirty deeds may be done dirt cheap, but it’s going to cost you to clean it up!

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney in Mississippi and can only attempt to clean up the DIRT that the client admits.

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

Child Custody, Child Support, Crime, General Legal, Modifications, Visitation

It’s Never What you Think!

07/31/2013 BowTieLawyer 1 Comment

As an attorney that practices exclusively family law I am routinely posed with questions and scenarios of one person doing everything right and the other everything wrong. However, when I start digging and asking the right questions I find that “It’s Never What you Think!”

Recently, I was asked by a friend to speak to friend about her potential case. The potential client had “done everything right,” but the ex and his attorney were “out to destroy her” and would not let up. She was at wit’s end. As I was speaking with her I was asking about custody, visitation and support issues.

Lawyer: “You are current on your support, right?”

Client: “Yeah…” (said with hesitation)

Lawyer: “That did not sound convincing”

Client: “Well, I paid for my kids medical and activities and he has a great job and doesn’t NEED it.”

Lawyer: “His job doesn’t really matter as far as support goes…what were you ordered to pay?

Client: “$475.00 per month.”

Lawyer: “When was the last time you paid $475.00?

Client: “Years.” (said with hesitation)…”He didn’t need the money.”

This was not an instance of having “done everything right.” Why the ex waited years to pursue it is a mystery, but he nonetheless has the right to.

In another instance, a “good father” just wanted reasonable visitation. I asked, as I always do,”What is the dirt on you?”

The DIRT is/are the things that the other side says you did, even if you did not do them; substance abuse, crimes, non-payment, hateful things.

In this instance “the dirt” was long ago, recreational drug use and just some routine fussing and fighting. I said in jest, “Well, so long as you didn’t have a meth lab in the garage…” “Actually, it was.” There’s your dirt.

So to all of you well-meaning helpful friends, you are NOT getting the full story. And to all of you eager attorneys seeking to fight injustice and righting the wrongs of others, get the full story. It’s Never What you Think!

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney in Mississippi and only believes half of what he sees and even less of what he hears.

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Child Custody, Child Support, Divorce, Grandparent Visitation, Visitation

Put Your Children First.

07/30/2013 BowTieLawyer 1 Comment

Divorcing spouses make it about themselves. How he “threw it all away” or how she “abandoned the marriage.” But, when children are in the equation they need to be First.

I know of too many instances where the children are treated as pawns. One parent uses the other parent’s time or access to the children to get more of what they want or are just difficult for the sake of being difficult. A parent refusing to allow the other parent to see the child for strategic reasons is just wrong.

Okay your husband strayed, does that mean he does not deserve to see the children? Too often the parent that has the child is tempted to play “keep away.” If your wife is a floozy that does not mean the children do not need their mother?

In all instances where there are NOT genuine safety concerns that parent should have access and see the children as much as practical. Period. What’s the best thing you can do for your child?

Put your children first. Make sure the other parent has quality time and access to the children. If dad was not an every other weekend dad before the divorce, who is served by him becoming one after the divorce?

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

General Legal, Marriage, Opinion

Happy Anniversary; The “Secret” to Wedded Bliss.

07/29/2013 BowTieLawyer 1 Comment

My parents recently celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary!

As I was inquiring about how long it “felt,” I was struck by the fact it was literally longer than a lifetime for my two brothers and me. I was asking dad about his “advice” and he recounted that in those 45 years that mom “never forget anything.” Mom laughed out loud. That’s LOL for the texting generation.

What I did NOT get were the clichés of never going to bed angry, that they just grew apart, or that us moving out(the kids) left them with nothing in common. So what did I takeaway from that? Keep a sense of humor. It was a big part of my life growing up. Laughing at yourself and others, primarily others. The cliché that did work and that is still working “laughter is the best medicine.”

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Child Custody, Child Support, General Legal, Opinion, Visitation

Paternity; Determining Baby Daddy

07/22/2013 BowTieLawyer 2 Comments

Paternity…Filiation…Who’s Your Daddy, whatever you call it, it’s the process where the Court determines who the biological father is and what his rights and obligations are.

Mississippi Law provides a number of statutes dealing with the Law on Paternity. Miss. Code Ann. 93-9- 1, et seq.

93-9-7 provides that the father of a child born out-of-wedlock is liable to the same extent as the father of a child born of lawful matrimony. The father can be liable for the “reasonable expenses of the mother’s pregnancy and confinement, and for the education, support, maintenance and medical expenses related to the child.” Additionally, a father can be liable for past support and maintenance for a period of one year prior to the filing of the paternity action. The father may also be ordered to pay the mother’s reasonable attorney fees.

Either the mother, the father, or any public authority chargeable by law with the support of the child may bring a paternity suit. This is what allows DHS to pursue these matters. The statute provides that once paternity is established the child shall have the surname of the father.

These actions may be brought in Chancery Court, Circuit Court or County Court, though most often are brought in Chancery.

Any agreements between the mother and father must be approved by the Court to be enforceable. A voluntary acknowledgement of paternity by a father is subject to a one year limit to challenge paternity. After one year, the only way to set aside a paternity Order is to show fraud, duress or material mistake and that you are not the father. Be careful about this. I always recommend a DNA/blood test, even if you “know.” If you are wrong you may still end up on the hook financially.

Also, if you find yourself in a paternity suit be sure to file for a determination of custody and visitation. DHS will not always do this and you could end up with financial obligations and no specific rights to see your child.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney in Mississippi and encourages you to hire an attorney if you find yourself in a paternity case.

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

Divorce, General Legal, Marriage, Opinion

Want Unconditional Love? Get a Puppy.

07/12/2013 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

A happy, healthy husband-wife relationship is a wonderful thing. Though some would argue, increasingly rare.

Due to various reasons that relationship can break down. Recently, I was inquiring about the reasons for the breakdown of a marriage and it came down to the feeling of the lack of unconditional love (UL).

Upon some additional questions I learned that UL, in this instance, meant something to the effect of, “I can do whatever I want, and you HAVE to love me…” Or stated in less offensive terms, “while I may not always put you first, I NEED to always be put first.”

I thought that’s not really UL. Then I thought, how can a relationship on this Earth between a husband and a wife, or any relationship between consenting adults really be one based upon UL? If it really was UL, would that be a healthy relationship? Would the receiver of UL fully appreciate what they are getting? Would the giver of UL ever be satisfied?

UL is what a puppy gives. ALWAYS happy to see you. Always eager to please. Cannot wait to be with you again and cute as the dickens. But even puppies get tired and poop on the floor…

Want the closest thing to unconditional love? Get a puppy. Want a healthy relationship? It takes work, mutual companionship and a desire to make it last.

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.

Opinion

Attorneys are a lot like Sunscreen

07/10/2013 BowTieLawyer Leave a comment

I am attending the MS Bas Convention in sunny Sandestin for the next several days.

This is where the new officers are installed and the general business of the state lawyers association is handled.

It is also a welcomed respite from the hustle and bustle that go along with law practice.

As I am watching the sunny skies, the crashing waves, the airplanes and the people it reminds me that you need sunscreen.

It seems a divorce attorney is a lot like sunscreen; kind of a hassle to deal with, could be messy, but is protection from a much later and bigger problem.

Matthew Thompson is a family law attorney in Mississippi and reminds you to wear your sunscreen.

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You may also contact Matthew with your family law case, question or concern at (601) 850-8000 or Matthew@bowtielawyer.ms.